McGhan’s Testimony Could Bring More Articles
“Dad, I’m so happy! I got a B in reading!”
Dad: That’s a D, idiot.
Spelling An L
Is down-right easy
Why is an island like the letter T?
because it’s in the middle of water
Yesterday I spotted an albino dalmatian.
It was the least I could do for the guy.
I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I just don’t know why.
A friend said she did not understand cloning…
I told her that makes two of us…
My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date and they said she was imaginary…
Well the jokes on them – they’re imaginary too…
My Cocaine Is So White
Police Let It Go With A Warning
One day, God met with Adam in the garden of Eden
"Hey Adam, I have two new organs for you," said god "What are they?" Adam Replied "Well," said God, "We have a brain, which will let you make intelligent decisions and hold conversations with Eve." "That's Great!" Adam said, "What's the other one?" "That would be a penis," God replied, "It will let you make offspring to populate the Earth. However, there is one downside." Adam asked, "What is it?" "Well, I only have enough blood to let you use one at a time."
A dog is talking to his owner. Dog: Tell me a joke
Dog: Tell me a joke Man: Don’t be silly, you’re a dog Dog: Oh, go on Man: You’re a dog, you won’t understand Dog: Do it anyway, pleeeeese Man: OK. Knock Knock Dog: Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof……….
A buddy of mine wasn’t feeling well, so I decided to send him 10 of my best puns to make him feel better.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Why did The Rock break up with his girlfriend?
Because she took him for granite.
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
Why was Yoda afraid of 7?
Because 6, 7 8…
My wife always prefers the stairs, whereas I always like to take the elevator.
I guess we are raised differently.
As I sail away from the island of lollipops…
…never to return, tears well in my eyes as I wave goodbye to each and every lollipop, the only friends I have ever known. "So long, suckers," I whisper through trembling lips.
A Chinese child was born before his due date…
His parents named him "Sudden Lee"
What do you call someone afraid of Santa?
Clausterphobic
Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says…
"You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' … and she's always sound asleep."
The CEO of a large gas station chain was arrested yesterday.
He was running a Shell corporation.
A man is lost in the woods and it is getting dark.
As he walks through the woods he comes across a small cabin. He goes up to the cabin and knocks on the door. An old Chinese man opens it. “I’m lost in the woods and I need somewhere to stay for the night,” the man said. “Can I please stay here?” “Sure,” said the Chinese man. “But as long as you don’t lay a finger on my daughter. If you do, I’ll give you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man. The man agreed to the Chinese man’s conditions. However when it was time for dinner the daughter came downstairs and he saw how beautiful she was. “This old Chinese guy will never find out,” the man thought to himself. So that night the man went to the Chinese man’s daughter’s room and they had mad passionate sex. The next day the man woke up and there was a huge rock on his chest. There was a sign on it that said “Chinese torture number 1: Rock on chest.” The man laughed and though to himself “Is this really the worst Chinese torture?” He then threw the rock out the window and started to walk towards the bedroom door and then he stopped when he saw the sign on it. It said “Chinese torture number 2: Rock tied to right testicle.” The man started to panic. He decided to jump out the window with the rock because a few broken bones is better than a castration. As he fell out the window, he saw a sign in the ground. It said “Chinese torture number 3: left testicle tied to bedpost.”
“The 24th of December is Christmas Eve”
"No it fucking isn't, Adam."
A man came up to me and said “Man, your clothes look gay”.
I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".
So a teenage boy asks a girl out to prom
He asks her out, and he needs to plan, so first, he needs his tuxedo. So he goes to the tuxedo shop, and there's a huge line of people there, so he waits for 30 minutes, then an hour, and he finally gets his tuxedo. Then, he needs to rent a limo, to look nice and formal and everything, so he walks into the limo rental shop, and again, there's a huge line, so he waits for 30 minutes and then an hour goes by, then 2, and he finally gets his limo. On the night of the prom, he pulls up to her house with the limo, and she gets in, and on their way to the prom building, a huge traffic jam happens! So they wait, and then 30 minutes goes by, then an hour, and they finally arrive at the building! So they walk in, take some pictures, and dance for a bit, and after a while, the girl asks, "hey can you get us some punch?" So the boy walks over to the punch bowl and guess what? There's no punchline.
I’m a time traveler, just arrived from 1990
It took me thirty years to get here.
My girlfriend called me today and told me that she was HIV+
It's always hard to act surprised
I believe that venison made from female deer should be classed as a form of bread.
After all, it's cooked doe.
I used to hate facial hair
But then it grew on me
