me_irl is a goldmine for memes that make 0 sense
I’m thinking of throwing my theremin away…
I don’t even touch it
I have no problem getting dates online.
I also have great luck with pistachios, cashews and almonds.
Babies shouldn’t be delivered.
Livers are important.
I got chased by a mugger the other day trying to steal my wallet. Halfway through the terrifying ordeal, I couldn’t help but think to myself…
“He’s giving me a good run for my money.”
Like my silver medal did for me at the Catholympics…
…prove that you're second to nun.
What’s the difference between an African Elephant and an Asian Elephant?
About 3,000 miles.
From now on all boomer reaction memes will be removed. (Boomers: Insert laughing here)
This sub is for comics and nothing else. If you have any questions please leave a comment on here.Edit: Proud of you guys! Thank you for following the rules!
I told my Asian parents that I am Asexual.
They were disappointed that I wasn't A+sexual
Humans can atmost grow upto 8 feet
But usually most of them have 2
PEOPLE THERE IS STILL A PANDEMIC!!!
Only 25 looters per store please.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school yesterday?
He is fine. He woke up
Confucious say a man who runs in front of bus gets tired.
A man who runs behind gets exhausted.
What did the shy pebble wish for?
That she was a little boulder.
Gary Larson remains the most influential boomer humor contributor of all time
https://ift.tt/2GaJo4b
A Serial Killer, Car Thief and Russian Spy walks into a bar
And that was just the first guy
Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole.
I am thankful every day that I live in Canada.
Not Enough Candles? No Problem! (Finally Found a Use For Binary In Real World)
https://ift.tt/2LQoHNK
A blonde rings up an airline and asks: “How long are your flights from America to England?”
The woman on the other end of the phone replies: "Just a minute". The blonde thanks her and hangs up the phone.
guys pray for my friend. He told me he only believed 12.5% of the bible…
he said he's an eighth theist
“Father, why is my name ‘Rose’?
"Because just after you were born, a rose petal landed on your head when we were leaving the hospital." "Is that also why my sister's name is 'Daisy'?" "Yes it is." "eherrnnanenhahenrnanehh" "Quiet, Brick"
What’s the difference between a shitty golfer and a shitty skydiver?
The shitty golfer goes, -WHAM!- "FUCK!" The shitty skydiver goes, "FUCK!" -WHAM!-
How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach?
It’s not hard
TIL: If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
How does an octopus go into battle?
Well armed
A Roman walks in a bar, holds up 2 fingers and says:
"I'll have 5 beer please."
I served a hipster a pizza but he burned his mouth.
He ate it before it was cool. 🤦🏻♂️
A man with no arms and no legs is sitting on the beach, thinking deeply about his life.
As he lays there, unable to move, he thinks about all the rejection he has faced. Countless women, scared off by his grotesque appearance, have avoided all contact with him. Never been kissed, never been loved. As he reflects on his sad, lonely existence, a beautiful, busty young lady, in a very skimpy bikini, is walking past. She sees him – a small, limbless blob – out the corner of her eye. He gives her a smile and she smiles back. And then, she starts walking over to him! As she approaches he thinks to himself – “maybe this is it!” She gets nearer and nearer, her smile growing with each step until she is right next to him. She leans down, gives him a big kiss on the cheek, and whispers in his ear: “Have you ever been fucked?” Excitedly, the man responds “no!” The woman replies “well you’re fucked now, mate. The tide’s coming in.”
Yesterday I called the suicide hotline, and they didn’t pick up
Way to leave me hanging guys
A dyslexic man walks into a bra
No text found
I sat next to baby on a ten hour flight. I didn’t think it was possible for someone to cry for ten hours straight.
Even the baby was impressed I pulled it off.
Son: Hey Dad, did you ever get shot in the army?
Dad: No I got shot in the leggy.
