I would be like… how did I get all these fucking nickels??
I thought to myself “these should be free of charge”.
The signs were there.
…yet there is deco everywhere already!
No, but April may!
We never made it.
Because he spends years at C!
It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
Piece of cake.
At a celebrity party, Stevie Wonder meets golf champ Tiger Woods and mentions that he, too, is an excellent golfer.
Tiger is a bit skeptical that the blind musician can play golf well, but he's too polite to say anything. "When I tee off, " the singer explains, "I have a guy call to me from the green. My sharp sense of hearing lets me aim." Tiger is impressed, and Stevie suggests that they play a round. When Tiger agrees, Stevie asks, "How about if we play for $10,000 a hole?" Tiger insists he couldn't possibly play him for money because of his sight handicap. But Stevie argues and badgers Tiger until Tiger finally relents. Stevie says, "You pick the place and I'll pick the time?" Tiger says, "Fine. Pebble Beach." Stevie replies, "Midnight!"
I said, "People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer!"
Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.
it's all about raisin awareness
50 cent ft. Nickelback
All he ever does is talk about their skin…
They become VERY ANGRY
But that’s a story for another time
Vehicular man’s laughter.
They were Prime mates.
My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other. Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?" Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands." Doesn't have a clue why I was laughing so hard.
Tools!! I meant tools!! Stupid keyboard…
He didn't believe me one bit. So we went to the guy's house and when the door opened, it was his mother. We asked if I could show my friend your golden toilet because he doesn't believe it. She looked at me for a while, then shouted back into the house, "Rick, the guy who shit in your trumpet is here!"
How could anyone stoop so low?
You use a pumpkin patch.
A cop approaches the car and says: "Sir, the ambulance is on its way. Your girlfriend has blood on her face, yet she sits there patiently. You appear to be fine, why are you crying so loud?" The man replies: "Check what's in her mouth!"
He is Sirloin.