Most people have 32 teeth and some have 6, it’s simple meth.
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Father: Son, I donated all your toys to the children's home. Son: Why did you do that? Father: So you will not be bored there.
It was a vial substance.
It's nice to have some company
They’re free of charge if you’re interested.
I like to remind her that most lottery winners blow their winnings.
St. Peter welcomes them and shows them to their homes. For the taxi driver, a beautiful villa looking over a gorgeous field of clouds. "Thank you," the ecstatic taxi driver said. Anticipating an even bigger mansion, the priest was dismayed when they arrived at a small 1-bedroom apartment. "St. Peter, I'm a little puzzled," the priest began. "As a clergyman, I devoted decades of my life solely to serving the Lord. How come the taxi driver got a villa, and for me, only a small apartment?" St. Peter smiled. "Up here, we go by results. While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."
Unexpected item in the Baggins area.
I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
God rest their soles.
The way they pronounce unionized
I said, “Remember, it’s also son day.”
Remains to be seen.
A guy and his friend are sitting on a sofa having a few beers. Guy #1 – “What would you do if we found out an asteroid was going to hit the earth in one hour?”
Guy #2 – “I would fuck the first thing that moved. What would you do?” Guy #1 – “I’d sit very fucking still for the next hour!”
The Pope says to Trump, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!” Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Show me!” So the Pope slapped him.
The other one replies, “Yes. I believe that comes from sitting on these wicker chairs.”
But does anyone know where the Minneapolis?
I don't know why
I replied, " No, is that still required?"
Turns out they meet tomorrow.
I’ll have to change my name.
There used to be 2 of them and now it’s a touchy subject
Number one, and number two
You can only ran, because it's past tents.
I haven’t heard from him since.
I figured it'd be confusing if we were both called Keith
but none of them work.
Change my mind.
You can hear a pin drop, after all.
Three third graders, a Jewish kid, an Italian kid and a Hillbilly kid are on the playground at recess.
The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game "Lets see who has the largest penis," he says. "Okay." They all agree. The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. "That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his out. His is a couple of inches longer. Now not to be outdone, the Hillbilly kid whips his out. It is by far the biggest, dwarfing the other two in both length and girth. The Jewish and Italian kid are stunned and amazed. "Wow that thing is huge!" they exclaim. That night, eating dinner at home, the Hillbilly kid's mother asks him what he did at school today. "Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book … and during recess, my friends and I played 'Let's see who has the largest penis." "What kind of game is that, honey?" says the mother. "Well, me, Sidney and Anthony each pulled out our cranks, and I had the biggest! The other kids say its because I'm a Hillbilly. Is that true, Mom?" The Mom replies: "No, Honey, it's because you're twenty-three"
Whenever I’m sad my friend always says “cheer up man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole that is full of water”
I know he means well… Edit: WOAH! my first silver. Thank you anonymous stranger!