Mr Ed just moved next door to me a few days ago.
We’re neighbors now.
I thought, “This’ll be wasted on drugs and booze.” So I just gave it to the homeless guy.
However, his sister Chewbacca and his brother Boba Fett are less amused.
My to doo list
But usually most of them have 2
He went up to the counter and bet everyone in the bar $50 that they couldn’t bring the octopus a musical instrument that it couldn’t play. One man pulled an old guitar off the wall that hadn’t been tuned in years and gave it to the octopus. The octopus took the guitar, tuned it right up and began play. There was no doubt that the octopus was an excellent guitar player. The man paid his handler $50 and sat down. Another man brought a saxophone to the octopus. The octopus took it and stared for a bit. After a minute or two the octopus began playing a deep and soulful jazz solo. This man paid his $50 and sat down. The bartender went into the back and brought out a set of bag pipes. The bartender said, “I’ll bet $100 that the octopus can’t play these bagpipes.” The man agreed and handed them to the octopus. The octopus sat there eying the bagpipes up and down for quite awhile. The handler began to get nervous so he said to the octopus, “Hurry up and start playing the thing” The octopus replied, “Play it? After I figure out how to get the pajamas off her I’m gonna screw it”
A new Jersey!
and log in to your online banking system. It feels like someone else is paying your bills.
My cremation is going to be epic.
She didn’t have any arms; Knock Knock; Who’s there ; Not Sally
I would have to change my name.
Communication is key
Well, I don't know where to begin.
Edit：Wow thanks for the gold kind stranger!
Because today they got into a fight, and 2021! Happy new year y’all!
Screw is what my dad did before I was born. Bolt is what he did after I was born.
Guess that's why my dad calls me handsome.
Me: "Why?" Bouncer: "I have no idea who you are and this is my trampoline."
I said people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer
But that’s just Hawaii roll.
There the devil tells him that there are different hells. He goes around checking to find the least painful one. First, he comes to the American hell. He asks the devil what is the punishment. The devil replies, "You have to lay on a bed of nails for 12 hours and then the American devil will whip you for another 12 hours." Then he comes to the Russian hell. He asks the devil what is the punishment. The devil replies, "You have to lay on a bed of nails for 12 hours and then the Russian devil will whip you for another 12 hours." He notices a long queue behind Chinese hell. He thought it would be easier and asks the devil what is the punishment. The devil replies, "You have to lay on a bed of nails for 12 hours and then the Chinese devil will whip you for another 12 hours." He asks why there are so many people behind it. The devil says, "Well, the bed of nails is made in China and will break within 1 hour." "And the devil?" The devil replies,"He has been coughing lately."
Yes, it happens
You don't want to be carrying the same shit into the new decade.
It was a salt and peppery.
He was clearly out of the loop.
Because he couldn’t see himself doing it
Because she kept running away from the ball
I’m not buying it.
They’re his watch dogs!
I can't tell you how annoying it is.
But when I got home, the tables were turned…