MS Java is a great language and not confusing at all (I still love it tho)
I was thinking of a joke about Sisyphus rolling the boulder up the hill, but then it lost momentum.
But it still has potential.
A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”
the husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?” “You’re so drunk you miscounted,” said the wife. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there. The husband climbed out of bed and counted. One, two, three, four. Damn, you’re right.
People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones…
… but people in Abu Dhabi dooooooooo!!
Blue Collar Joke
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them “gems-in-the-rough” more or less, had adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars “pay” she’d received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied: “I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.” “Oh my goodness gracious,” said the teller, “and will you be working on the house again this week, too?” The little girl replied, “I will if those lazy assholes from Lowe’s ever deliver the goddamn drywall.”
Girls call me ugly till they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor.
I went to a restaurant and the waiter sat me down and asked if I’d like to see a dessert menu.
I said "No, that's the last thing I want"
My son told me he was cold
I said go stand in the corner it's 90 degrees
I dig, you dig, we dig, they dig, he digs, she digs,
It’s not a beautiful poem but it is deep
Wife: Can you pick up milk?
Guy: lifts gallon yeah it's pretty easy. Wife: I mean from the store. Guy: I would imagine it weighs the same there.
How did the Himalayan man jump higher than mount Everest?
Well, that's easy. Mountains can't jump.
100 years ago, a poor Polish immigrant was begging for money in New York city
Suddenly, a stranger appears and starts to talk with her. Stranger: What is your name, sad lady Lady: My name is Edit, I am the daughter of Solomon and Alta. I am asking for help because I have nothing to eat Stranger: I just won this golden coin in a game of poker. I feel guilty for keeping something earned so dishonestly. Looks like you could have better use for it. Edit: Wow, thanks for the gold, kind stranger!
Why did the Corona Virus cross the street?
To help seniors get to the other side
I’d like to thank my legs
For supporting me. My arms, for always being by my side. And my fingers, I could always count on them.
Dad: We need to go out
ME: Where are we going? Dad: To pick up our glasses from the optometrist. ME: Than What? Dad: We'll see..
Why did Episodes 4, 5 and 6 come out before 1, 2 and 3?
In charge of scheduling Yoda was.
Set your WiFi password to 24446666688888888
…so when someone asks what your password is, just tell them it’s: 12345678.
A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled
The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man. “No way! No needles! I hate needles!” the patient said. The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects. “I can’t do the gas thing – the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!” The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill. “No,” the patient says, “I am fine with pills.” The dentist then returns and says, “Here is a Viagra tablet.” The patient says, “Wow – I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain pill.!” “It doesn’t,” said the dentist and continued: “But it will give you something to hold onto when I pull out your tooth.”
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Two jumper cables walk into a bar
The bartender goes, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
Who has time to worry about 2,363 Americans deaths, when Trump is happy with his ratings
https://ift.tt/2WRHUW0
What’s the opposite of soup?
Sodown
I asked my Mom if I was ugly…
She said, "I told you not to call me Mom in front of people."
My ex girlfirend
My ex-girlfriend used to give me nicknames whilst giving me head. "The Impaler" was my favourite. Well, at least, that's what I thought she said…. Turns out she's asthmatic and it's my fault she died.
A man has been stealing wheels of police cars
The police have been working tirelessly to catch him
Astronaut 1: hey I can’t find any milk for my coffee
Astronaut 2: In space, no one can. Here, use cream.
A Scot and an Englishman walk into a bar.
The Englishman orders a large whisky. The Scot says "I bet you a quid I can drink your whole whisky without touching the glass or using a straw". The Englishman is intrigued at how the Scot could possibly do this, so he agrees. The Scot takes the glass and finishes it in one swig. "But… you did touch the glass!" exclaims the Englishman. The Scot replies: "Aye, that I did. Here's your quid, and thanks for the cheap whisky."
My asshole neighbour came and rang my doorbell at 3am this morning….
Luckily I was still up playing my drums
A guy sees a sign in front of a house that says: “Talking Dog for Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
“You talk?” he asks. “Yep,” the mutt replies. “So, what’s your story?” The mutt looks up and says: “Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. “The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.” The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says: “Ten dollars.” The guy says: “This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?” The owner replies: “He’s just a big liar. He didn’t do any of that stuff.”
My wife said if this post gets 1000 upvotes she’ll give up her anal virginity tonight!
Please don't. She's out of town on business for the next week.
![Jovial Electropherogram [not mine]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/jrlo1jt5tq641-400x186.jpg)
My dad told me this one.
"All this LGBTQ shit is getting out of control. It wasn't like this when I was a little girl."
Me: “I bought my girlfriend a plant.”
Kid: "Is it real or fake?" Me: "Fake." Kid: "Of course, and what about the plant?"
