My 2.5 year old told his first dad joke.
While traveling to a cookout at my dads house, my wife (W) was working through the alphabet with my son (s)
Letter “I”: W: “ I is for….. iguana” S: “iguana…. iguana go outside.” W: looks at me. I look at him. S: (in his best dad style, cheesy laugh) “ha, ha.”
He had no idea what he said. But gosh we got a kick out of it.
There was no coffin at the funeral.
Q: What do baby corns call their daddy? A: Popcorn Edit: Woah, platinum! Thanks to the kind stranger! Gonna buy my kid an ice cream now, lmao!
Because the cows ate a lot of grass.
"Thanks for the warning, officer."
But it's ok I can stop at any time.
It was super easy. I went door to door and If the customer wasn't home, I'd just leave my brochure and business card on their dining room table.
It was Motherfucking Gold.
Because he conditioned it.
1. 2. 3.
they're always folding. I'll see myself out. lol
It's because they have two Shifts.
In 2033, we will witness the rise of "Quaranteens"
A woman was sobbing on the side of the street because she had accidentally locked her keys in her car,
a passing soldier saw this and assured her that he can help. She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door. Magically it opens……. "That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?" "Easy," replies the soldier. "These are my khakis."
It's ok though, he woke up.
Nobody ever made a song called “Fuck The Fire Department” ….
In light of the multiple recent crashes of its airplanes, Boeing announced a revolutionary new aircraft design made out of rubber…
Now, it won't crash, it'll just go, "Boeing Boeing Boeing!"
A father in law
We were better than The Cure.
It was a salt and peppery.
You don’t need make-up. Aww, that is so sweet of you! You need plastic surgery.
It May, Fri 10 you.
It was quite the oar deal.
My wife tried to order an exotic snake online, but when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves…
Looks like the boa cons tricked her…
Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude in a garden, while a sexy and beautiful big breasted nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity. The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground. Embarrassed, he took a few steps forward and bent over to pick up the bell. Then all the other bells started to ring.
I liked the guy at first, but eventually I got tired of his crazy ant ticks.
The look on his face was priceless.
When a short person waves at you, it's called a microwave
The French man takes out a bottle of very expensive wine, has one sip, and throws it out the window. The English man says "why did you do that? " and the French man replies, "we have so many of these in my country they are practically worthless. A few minutes later the Cuban man takes out a very fancy cigar, has one puff and throws it out the window. The English man says "why did you do that? " and the Cuban man replies, "we have so many of these in my country they are practically worthless. A few minutes later, the English man throws the Indian man out the window.
Thanks doc, it was so hard keeping all that under wraps