My account is a joke
It’s April fools and my cake day
It's fucking r/aww
I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator. Edit: Thanks for the gold (career first) :0
Beer nuts are $1.98, deer nuts are under a buck.
Several days go by, and he receives a call from the doctor. The doctor tells him, “Due to an unfortunate mixup with the lab, we are not sure of your wife has Covid-19 or Alzheimer’ The man, clearly frustrated, asks, “Well what am I supposed to do with that kind of information?” The doctor calmly suggests, “I recommend you take her for a very long walk and leave her. If she comes home, don’t let her in.”
The girl I'm going out with insist on calling me just friend instead of boyfriend
So from a distance it looks like hares
One's Chinese take out, the other takes out Chinese.
Many people were disgusted, but it's none of my business so I told him: "You do you."
Thou shall not COVID thy neighbor's house
In the end, I ignore it all and click "I agree".
I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised I picked up a stranger and asked. “Thanks but why’d you pick me up? How do you know I’m not a serial killer?”
I told him the chances of two serial killers in one car would be astronomical.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
All he ever wanted to talk about was his lute.
You dont know how it works for the first time, It can be painful and time consuming, But if done correctly you start enjoying it later. AND ITS NOT FOR EVERYONE.
I just asked my 14 yr old after he was talking the whole time while I was showing how to do something. ‘Do you know why god gave us two eyes and only one mouth?’
‘Because we don’t need depth perception with our mouths ‘ was his technically correct answer
I never get a straight answer
Honestly, I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s not the end of the world.
On the left side, there is nothing right. On the right side, there is nothing left.
A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them. "Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks. Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross." Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!" Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough?
Shit, I meant to post this somewhere else.
They are just trying to be edgy.
I told her it's about time.
and on the other, your left.
Because they can’t keep a straight face.
I’m bad at marketing.
The parrot was cool, though. Originally an Anthony Jeselnik joke
She's ayyyyy sexual.
No text found
It's a coming of age story.
You boil the hell out of it.