My body my choice! Wait…
It gave me thesaurus throat I’ve ever had
Visiting my son and his wife, who just had their first baby. At lunch, my wife said “I’m warm.” Son piped up and said “I can finally say this – Hi Warm, I’m Dad.” Proud moment.
The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it," He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it before he got home to his wife. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to play with his unit. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to the big finish, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?" He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." The cop replied, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."
A Rain Bow tie.
None they just beat the room for being black
I watched it all unfold.
A gummy bear
Well, it's not 6, cause my basement is still dark
Him: I don’t go out with married women, sorry. Her: But I am your wife? Him: I make no exceptions.
It’s when I flip your MOM over.
It gave me thesaurus throat I’ve ever had…
No offense, I just don't enjoy Nascar.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
Dad: “We’re having what Mum calls me” Kid: “DONT EAT IT ITS A FUCKING DICK”
He didn’t habanero
but I partied like it's $19.99.
I’m getting sick of them
They're always getting laid.
The doctor takes one look at him and says, “Well, I can clearly see your nuts.”
And that’s how I lost my job as a bus driver
Still made it to my door.
Because with great power comes great response ability
He drank his tea before it was cool 😎
After graduating from high school, my daughter moved away from home to study at university. She sent this letter home to me…
Dear Dad, University i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, your $usie. I immediately replied back… Dear Susie, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad
I'm sure they'll resurface at some point.
I said – "Definitely not – I play basketball by the rules"
A Man goes to a prostitute and asks for a blow job. She says it'll be $150. He says "what can I get for $50?" "A penguin." He didn't know what a penguin was, but it was a bargain. He agrees and she pulls his pants and underwear to his ankles and begins to blow him. After a few minutes without a word, she stops what she's doing, stands up and walks away. The man, pants still around his ankles, begins waddling after her, "Hey what's a penguin??!!"
She was afraid of kermitment