My boss shared this
News paper comics can be funny sometimes but they’re easily subject to boomers.
https://ift.tt/2wT7Fdw
Why do people have their whisky neat instead of on the rocks?
Because it's noice.
Reason why you should take up marathon training
It will help you in the long run.
Had to wright a paragraph about this photo for my online english class today…
https://ift.tt/2VZxXnz
![ITS INDESTRUCTABLE!!!! [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/mqitq2lixh441-400x400.jpg)
Why do people never eat clocks?
Because it’s really time consuming.
My friend just called me the worst best man ever…
I was speechless…
A man, a dog, and a pig wash up on a desert island. (Long)
They are the only living things there, besides some birds and rodents, and soon, they figure out how to work together to survive and not go insane. The dog hunts, the man cooks, and the pig forages for truffles. There are many truffles on this particular island. They have a perfectly functioning life, if a little boring. One afternoon, all three are sitting on the beach, watching the most beautiful sunset they have seen in their lives. And the man starts feeling melancholy. He feels empty, almost, like there is a pit in the bottom of his stomach. He soon realizes that this emptiness can only be fulfilled by a womanly touch. He glances over to the pig, and imagines it as a beautiful, completely stunning woman. He leans in to kiss her, and just as their lips are about to meet, the dog jumps up and starts barking, snapping the man out of his trance. A few weeks later, a woman washes up on shore. She soon becomes an integral part of their small society, looking for food, helping the man skin and cook animals, and being an all-around happy presence on this deserted island. On another afternoon, much like the one previously mentioned, the four are staring out into an incredible sunset, and the man, he starts feeling this feeling again. This feeling of melancholy, that which only a woman can cure. He looks over at the woman who washed up in this island, this beautiful woman, and he says, “Do you mind taking the dog for a walk?”
Why is there 2 d’s in ‘Reddit’?
Because one is a repost.
A magician worked on a cruise ship…
….the audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the Magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, It’s not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" Or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the Captain's' parrot. Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it … With the parrot… They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day… And then 2 days. And then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said….."Alright, good one but i can't take it any longer, what did you do with the ship???"
How would a stoner propose to another stoner?
Marriage-you-wanna?
So our boss just banned overly specific nicknames.
Now our whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner
I’m an unapologetic Canadian
I'm sorry, I just am
Two clowns were eating a cannibal
One turns to the other and asks “did I start the joke wrong?”
Today I learnt that humans eat more bananas than monkeys
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey
“Judge, I’m here to dispute 60% of my tickets!”
Judge: Repeat infractions? Man: Fine. I’m here to dispute 3/5 of my tickets.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I’ll let you know.
Eminem walks into a bar and tells the bartender, “Give me two shots of…”
The bartender cuts him off saying,”You only get one shot.”
WARNING! To whom ever took my glasses!!!
I will find you, I have contacts!
Yesterday I ate a clock
It was very time consuming, especially when i went back for seconds
What if I lifted a pack of Coca-Cola over my head for twenty minutes a day every day?
That would be soda pressing.
![The Invisible Man [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/74snu9ek96b41-400x433.png)
My friend refused to believe he was gay and a dyslexic.
He was in Daniel.
Seeing six topless women sounds nice…
Dozen tit
What kind of school do belly buttons go to?
Navel academies.
Why did the rapper get gold teeth?
He wanted to put his money where his mouth is
My mute grandfather always said:
No text found
I have the eye of a tiger, the heart of a lion…
… and a lifetime ban from the New York Zoo.
What is Yoda’s preferred seat on an aeroplane?
Next to a Windu.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
I looked across the museum hall and spotted my ex girlfriend, but I was too self conscious to say hello.
There was just too much history between us.
Life cycle of the male sex drive
Age 16-32 : Tri-weekly Ages 32-55: Try-weekly Over 55: Try-weakly
Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool.
I lost the Rock’s paper scissors.
CAN ADMINS OF THIS SUBREDDIT REDDIT DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?!
WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, A WOMAN. SHE’S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES. SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 8+ IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH IT. IT'S SUPER SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON.
I went to the doctors for the first time in a long while. He told me I had a piece of lettuce hanging out of my ass
I told him it’s just the tip of the iceberg
What do short people in Minnesota like to drink?
A Mini-soda