My buddy said ‘There’s only one thing about Halloween that scares me.’
I asked, 'Which is?'
'Exactly', he replied.
That idiot doesn't have a Clue.
That way it will never come for me.
As they're knocking at the Pearly Gates, St Peter turns around and whispers… "Turn out the lights and everybody be quiet!! Maybe they'll think we're not home."
It's no wonder you don't see anyone wearing it.
And the world's largest woman is laid by your dad.
They called it a day
It was a real slap in the faith…
Only retards do that
I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?"
Because noble gasses don’t cause a reaction
Happy Father's Day!
But it’s up there.
It becomes theiranium.
"No we didn't.", replies the Chinese national. "But Taiwan just legalized same-sex marriage!" "No… Taiwan is not… uh… Yes, China is … uh…"
It’s April fools and my cake day
A man brings his best buddy home for dinner… unannounced at 7:30 after work. His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in. Wife: My hair and makeup aren’t done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I am still in my pyjamas and and I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the hell did you bring him home? Husband: Because he is thinking of getting married and I promised him a demo!
I don't need this "omg i cant drive a train" shit
Zero, because the change starts with you.
Then God said there is no Steven Hawking
At the drop of a hat!
The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.
but this isn't even my final form.
The first frog goes in and the judge asks him, "What's your name?" "Frog," he replies. "What did you do?" "I was just blowing bubbles in the pond, your honor." With that, the judge lets him go. The second frog goes in. "What's your name?" asks the judge. "Frog Frog." "What were you doing?" "I was just blowing bubbles in the pond, sir." With that, the judge lets him go. The third frog comes in. The judge says, "Let me guess, your name is Frog Frog Frog." The frog says, "No, my name's Bubbles."
is sphere itself.
So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland
but with extra steps!
It’s not Uranus
He reads lips Credit to https contagious laughter
Because you can't see in the dark
You never turn your back on family.
The rotation of the earth
He nuts and bolts.
I guess I’m just black toast intolerant.