My cousin’s Facebook page is a goldmine
You have my Word!
Receptionist: "Yes, but this is a sperm bank and it doesn't work that way. "
My girlfriend and I had sex a couple of days ago. She looked at me and said, "Turn the light off and stick it in my butt". I guess I should have waited for the bulb to cool off first.
I said too bad they don't have windows
Because he is married
Dad: Then we'll just have the second one !
Drop it in water… If it sinks: girl ant If it floats…..
He went ice skating on the pond before it was cool.
Hey Bob, do you shower after sex? Well, of course I do. Great, could you please get laid more often?
I mean, they are Minors.
In case she needed to draw blood.
Now we just have to call him Dav.
It’s all about raisin awareness.
I just needed an outlet.
And i knew right away that this isnt working out
A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands. "Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" About 15 students raise their hand. "Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Three students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further…Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" Way in the back, Hamid raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience." The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Hamad, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?" Hamad replied, "Shit, from way back there I thought you said Goats."
"Have to love Easter, baby…."
Just in case you get a hole in one.
Runs until Friday.
Unfortunately it was from Taco Bell.
Every time on person sneezes, 10 people around them shit themselves.
He had different kinds of jokes for each maiden, as he knew they each had different types of humor. Margaret was first, and the knight stood before her and tried out a new knock knock joke. A boy watching nearby asked his mother, "why did he tell her a knock knock joke?" The mother replied, "well sweetie that's because her husband used to always tell them, so she appreciates them more." Next was Priscilla, and as the knight stood before her he tried out the joke the court jester told him. "Why did the knight use a court jester joke?" Asked the boy. "Well sweetie that's because Priscilla isnt very bright and she wouldnt understand most other jokes." Finally it was Dawn's turn. The knight began his joke but the mother quickly covered the boys ears. "Why did you do that?" Asked the boy. "Because you are too young for the humor the knight uses on her, and the knight is always darkest before Dawn."
Because they can take down the whole world with one bat.
Because you are supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day
"I wonder when my prints will come…"
Because you’ll get jurasskicked.
I told her “no it doesn’t”
Then she looked in the freezer
She drinks right out of the bottle.
I rode the elevator to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said “Have a good day, son”
"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad." He scratched his head. "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"
Because he conditioned it.
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
Some boomer humor is actually good, some is wholeheartedly trash, but both sides of the spectrum exist, and both can be enjoyed.