My dad didn’t love me as a child, but I don’t really blame him.
I wasn’t born until he was an adult.
Anna 1, Anna 2, Anna 3
The rotation of the earth
Turns out she felt the same way. So I turned the airconditioning on.
I said “Cause, they came out the closet”
Yes, we arson.
I was 16 minutes late for my first math lecture, 8 minutes late for the second, and 4 minutes late for the third.
At this rate, I’ll never be there on time.
I know he meant well
Now I'm feeling a little down.
I told him that we would prefer if the baby kept its liver.
… and bought a bottle of whisky. I put the bottle in the bike basket but before riding back I thought: what if I fall down for some reason? The bottle will break! So I drank the whole bottle of whisky before riding home. And thank God I did, because I must have fallen down about a dozen times before I got home.
He could binomial!
You can look me in the eyes, You will always see twelve. It'll drive you insane because back to front and upside down I look the same!
A mother was in the kitchen listening to her five year old playing with his new train set in the lounge.
She heard the train stop and her son saying "All of You bastards who want off, get off now 'cos we're in a hurry! And all of you bastards who are getting on, get on now 'cos we're going down the tracks" The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added… "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat controller in the kitchen."
Fuck me I'm easily lead
Then fat babies must be delivered by a crane.
The winner of the no Belle prize.
Because if it was served warm it would be Justwater
and the other half are gonna come out with a drinking problem.
They’re just so remarkable…
It would be really hard to pull off.
He must belong to an extreme mist organization.
They always take forever to say… ha ha?
She replied, “Approximately 0.3583679495453”. I stared at her, confused. Seeing my confusion, she added, “You know, cos (789)”
A young alter boy walks in on a priest masturbating, confused he asks the priest "what are you doing father?" The priest replies "don't worry my son it's natural, you will be doing it soon" "but why father?" the alter boy returns The priest exclaims "because my arm is getting tired!"
They’re always up to something.
It’s where the devil appears and asks the priest to get out of the child.
When he was searched at the Moscow airport, the customs official found a bust of Lenin. Customs: What is that? Old man: What is that? What is that?! Don't say "What is that?" say "Who is that?" That is Lenin! The genius who thought up this worker's paradise! The official laughed and let the old man through. The old man arrived at Tel Aviv airport, where an Israeli customs official found the bust of Lenin. Customs: What is that? Old man: What is that? What is that?! Don't say "What is that?" say "Who is that?" That is Lenin! The sonofabitch! I will put him on display in my toilet for all the years he prevented an old man from coming home. The official laughed and let him through. When he arrived at his family's house in Jerusalem, his grandson saw him unpack the bust. Grandson: Who is that? Old man: Who is that? Who is that?! Don't say "Who is that?" say "What is that?" That, my child, is eight pounds of gold!
Because if they lived on the Bay they’d be bagels