My dad sent this…thing…to me unironically
But then I realized it would be a waist of time
I know it's hard to believe, but I saw it with my own two eyes.
…is the delivery.
The nurse takes the cat, goes into the room, and comes out 10 minutes later. "Sir, we have good news and bad news."
Because he always stays in the Lois Lane Kill me pls
The pupils. They dilate.
"2 or 3" she replied. Probably explains why her marriage collapse
They were truly a ground breaking invention.
r/dadjokes: hello 14, hello deep, I'm dad
Rebrand it as a rap song and name it, "Yo Bitch, It's Freezing Outside."
I just had to share it with everyone
How could anyone stoop so low?
So they throw one cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
One of them hid in the closet, the second one went under the bed, and the third one went to the balcony. After a while, the one under the bed came out and said: "OK, madam, your bed is fixed now." She told her husband that she called this guy to repair one of the legs of the bed. The husband thanks him and gives him money. Later, the one in the closet steps out and says "Now, your drawers are working properly." The husband thanks him too and gives him money. The one in the balcony, who saw everything but did not hear anything, came out with great excitement and said: "I fucked her too."
Two men are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there two women golfers in front of them who are taking quite a long time to play each hole.
The first guy says, "Why don't you go over and ask if we can play through?" The second guy gets about halfway there, turns and comes back. The first guy says, "What's wrong?" The second guy says, "One of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress." The first guy says, "That could be a problem. I'll go over." He gets about halfway there and he turns and comes back, too. The second guy says, "What's wrong?" The first guy says, "Small world!"
Because he conditioned it.
Because he kisses his mother with that mouth
batman: check the battery robin: whats a tery?
Through the engineers.
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting…
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair." "What I want you to do…" the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong." So they did. Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them. And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
"No, it would be against my code of ethics," says the doctor. "Please, just one kiss," begs the woman. "It's completely out of question," he goes on. "I shouldn't even really be having sex with you."
I’m excited to see how they turn out!
H2O. What's on the outside of the hydrant? K9P
I was looking for something specific
I think that something scary is about to happen, I can feel it.
Must have a hard time sneaking out to the pub without the wife noticing.
The corolla virus.
It's like a switch went off in their head a few years ago…
Boss: John, for 30 years you have been bringing me coffee, filled to the brim, without even spilling a drop. How do you manage that over these stairs? John: That's easy! Before I climb up the stairs, I take a big sip, and as I get to the top, I put it back in.