The Air Force; they're US AF
They have tiny anty bodies.
Edit: 3 children Edit: 2 Edit: 1 Edit: 0
A deck of carbs.
Too many Maine characters.
I will find you, you have my word
Because they’re really good at it
Now I have stable wifi
really makes me consider the fusillity of life.
As I was just about to tap her on the shoulder she started running for a bus. So I ran after her shouting, “You dropped your purse! You dropped your purse!” She didn’t hear me and proceeded to get onto the bus, so I got on the bus too. As I walked to the back of the bus I breathlessly said, “You dropped your purse on the floor outside outside McDonald’s. Thank you so much she said, Where is it? I said, I’ve just told you, on the floor outside McDonald’s.
I could do it with my eyes closed
A guy goes into the US postal service to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?” He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.” “OK, have you ever been in the military service?” “Yes,” he says, “I was in Afghanistan for one tour.” The interviewer says, “That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.” Then he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?” The guy says, “Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles.” The interviewer grimaces and then says, “Disabled in your country’s service! Well that qualifies for extra bonus points. Okay.” Looking at the regulations you have got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 AM every day.” The guy is puzzled and asks, “if the work hours are from 8:00AM to 4:00 PM, why don’t you want me here until 10:00 AM?” “This is a government job,” the interviewer says. “For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.”
They're always up to something.
I went to an auction today where they were selling a cheese grater once owned by both Hitler and Osama Bin Laden.
It was the grater of two evils.
The priest then turned to her. "And has the bride prepared any wedding vowels?"
Cause it's good at drilling privates.
It hates that.
“You took too much acid.”
I told her she was just pulling my leg.
it was accidental
I asked him if he had a 123. Confused, he looked at me and asked what I meant. I stared back and said, you have an ichi ni san.
No shit Sherlock
Her: Wow! That’s impressive! Him: Thanks. Next up, Capricorns.