My Daughter decided to join the “stained glass” trend with her message to our community.
What does an inflated tire say when it gets excited?
“I’m pumped”.
I would do anything…
To stop starting sentences in Meat Loaf's voice.
Personally, I don’t believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros. There needs to be a balance.
A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.
Went to ask my girlfriends father for permission to marry
He replied: "Give me one good reason you'd make a good husband or even a decent father or I'm leaving!" I said: "Hi leaving I'm John!" The wedding is next month
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
I’m not going to spread it!
bert: “do you want some ice cream?”
ernie: "sherbert"
What do you call a flower getting a sex change?
A Transplant
I cried when my mom chopped onions
Onions was a good dog.
My boss fired me for making jokes about Asians again
It was the end of my Korea
kids dumb, technology bad ~ trans: there aren’t any icons to click! it’s a blackboard!
https://ift.tt/3eY0TEP
I have mixed feelings about graphs.
The x and y axes are pretty cool but not the plot itself. That’s where I draw the line.
The inventor of the throat lozenge has died.
There will be no coffin at his funeral…
Went to a theater and my dumb friends wouldn’t sit together.
We ended up getting into a row.
“Mommy i want that balloon” = A baby that keeps pointing at balloons = Pointer 😂
https://ift.tt/2p1zoFy
I’m a social vegan
I avoid meet
I like using zoom for immunology, because I can make things like this during class.
https://ift.tt/2SjV8b3
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
I saw my nephew after a long time, and said “Wow! You must have grown a foot since I saw you last!”
He said, “No. I still have two.”
What does ED stand for?
Nothing, it stands for nothing.
College Classes
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-*** student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
I was reading a book about Stockholm Syndrome the other day.
It was really bad to begin with, but by the end I quite liked it.
A guide on how to fall down the stairs:
Step 1, Step 2, Step 3, Step 6, Step 12
Yo momma’s so lonely
she kept you
I like my women like i like my computer
Turned on On my lap Virus free
I wanted to become a doctor…
But, I just didn't have the patients…
You don’t want me to treat you to a bespoke outfit from my tailor?
Fine, suit yourself.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxicabs
You’re so ugly that I’m going to have to stop drinking
just in case I start seeing two of you…
Why did the condom fly accross the room?
It was pissed off…
I went to the store to get eight cans of sprite…
When I got home, I realised I’d only picked seven up.
Sen. Mitch McConnell Responds to Calls to Recuse Himself from Impeachment Hearings
https://ift.tt/36y8XHm
The US Space Force uniform camouflage vs the Netflix Space Force Series uniform camouflage
https://ift.tt/2Tyb0br
Who can drink two litres of Gas?
jerry can.