My daughter has started asking me questions about the human body
I thought I locked the basement I don't know how she keeps getting down there
What’s the difference between politics and anatomy?
In anatomy, the asshole is at the bottom.
Will glass coffins be a success?
Remains to be seen.
This girl I met on Tinder had a tattoo of a seashell on her innerthigh
If you put your ear against it and listened closely, you could smell the sea.
What rock group has four guys that don’t sing?
Mt. Rushmore.
Neodymium doped Glass changes color depending on the wavelength of the light hitting it.
https://ift.tt/2NXvk2L
A woman gets a call from kidnappers.
"We have your son," said the kidnapper. "I don't have a son," says the woman. "Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crust off his sandwiches?" "Oh, God you have my husband!"
Is “buttcheeks” one word?
Or should I spread them apart
I caught my husband coming to a brothel and I’m not sure what to do now.
On the one hand he is unfaithful, but on the other hand it was nice that he visited me at work.
Two wrongs don’t make a right…
But two Wrights make a plane.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down, and possibly use a lubricant
A husband and his wife were sitting at a table at her 20th high school reunion
She kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink, as he sat alone at a nearby table. The husband asks: “do you know him?” “Yes”, she sighed. “He’s my old boyfriend. I understand he started drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and i hear he hasn’t been sober since.” “My god!”, says her husband. “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
Why did the baby go to jail?
Because he was resisting a rest.
“You the bomb.” “No, you the bomb.”
A compliment in America. An argument in the Middle East.
I read an article earlier that said it actually takes three sheep to make one sweater…
I didn't even know they could knit!
Stolen, but proves that Boomers have become self aware, their humour knows no bounds…
https://ift.tt/3e90SO3
I don’t know what they are even talking about, we have had an incredibly mild winter.
https://ift.tt/2tSJaME
People have called me a plagiarist.
Their words, not mine.
Sadly I think my family are a bunch of racists.
I started dating a black girl recently, so I decided to bring her home to meet the family. The kids wouldn't talk to her and my wife told me to pack my bags and leave.
Who can drink two litres of gasoline?
Jerry can.
Old lady sees a news report and calls her husband’s cell-phone
"Honey", she says, "You need to be careful. I just saw that there is a maniac driving the wrong way on the freeway" Husband replies, "A maniac?! There's not just one- there are hundreds of them!!!!!"
Did you hear why the elevator repair guy was always so happy?
It’s because his job was so uplifting.
Why do cows have hooves?
Because they lactose.
Two conspiracy theorists arrive in heaven
God says to them, “I will tell you anything you want to know” One of the conspiracy theorists asks, “who shot JFK?” God responds, “it was Lee Harvey Oswald, acting alone” The conspiracy theorists turn to each other, “this is bigger than we thought”
Why are communist jokes so funny?
Everyone gets it.
For me, the urge to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is always just a whim away…
…a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away…
I failed my fire safety course when I was asked what steps I would take in case there was an explosion.
“Really large ones” wasn’t an acceptable answer.
