My daughter was playing with my computer when she broke the R button and tried to eat it.
I guess she just craves anarchy.
They'll get over it.
I guess we are raised differently…
and it doesn't.
Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke at a bar and then they knock knock.
An ambulance you racist!!
A woman at a table a few feet away from me sneezed and her glass eye came out and I caught it. I handed it back to her and she popped it in and said thank you. She was a beautiful woman. Gorgeous face stunning body and a beautiful smile to boot. The woman of my dreams right in front of me. A few moments pass by and she comes up to me and asks for my number and I looked around the room. Surely she must’ve been mistaken. I said “ who me?!!!?” She said “yes of course you. I don’t usually do this kind of thing but you just sort of caught my eye.”
He got hammered
They are a big part of pop culture
Dad: Yes, the Brits left.
But I'm Russian, so I'm voting Trump
She always runs from the ball
Turns out he was just playing peek-a-boo ICU
I told him it’s Ctrl-P. He says he hasn’t been able to do that for ages.
The rest of the letters come aughter it.
I went to ask my daughter: Where do you park when you visit the moon? (Originally I was gonna say at the parking meteor!) But straight faced she replies: Anywhere you can find space. Then she grinned… (she knew what she was doing)… space dad. get it? in space…. Totally out dad joked by my own daughter.
I don’t do drugs
so that I could fit the rest of the socks in the drawer
But he won't tell me.
…that there are no peanut butter fish.
Then I realized battery not included
I thought to myself; "Damn, she sounds just like the wife"
Having to clean the monitor.
I replied, " No, is that still required?"
What is the difference between soon-to-be parents that want a girl and liquid that’s been used to clean plates?
One's dishwater… The other's wish daughter
I said: "Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you."
Most crows drank at home
I thought to myself. That's a funny way to start a conversation.
Just to get high