My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep the other night.
She almost poked my eye out.
I have Butterfingers.
I’m on season 6 and I’m not really sure what this show has to do with security
Oh no, I forgot the line!
He now has a rare medium well done
We have to. She doesn't have one.
So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
No text found
She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung”. Like I was supposed to know the name.
… because at the beginning, the announcer clearly said "Welcome to the 90-second Thanksgiving Day parade!"
I never strike in the same place twice.
And that's a stereo type.
Between you and me, something smells.
I didn’t show up.
Policeman: Whos car is this, where are you taking it and what do you do for a living? Miner: Mine
But I've never met herbivore
I have some breaking news for her.
He won’t go near the crypt tonight.
So I just got my wife with this one… She asked to go to Victoria’s Secret to buy some new underwear… She complained that her favorite pairs had holes in them…
I said "of course they have holes in them, how else are you supposed to get your legs through?" I could feel the eye roll from across the room
So I had to put my foot down.
Edit: Wow, this blew up. Thanks for the gold!
A chicken tender
It takes screen shots.
You can only ran through a campground, because it's past tents.
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"My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?' 'Eight', the boy replied. The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?' The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four." "Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin. "Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those."
So I got up and looked with him.
In case I got a hole in one
I can’t believe that even after 15 years of the show ending, people are still making “Friends” references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.