My dog ate my homework
I wonder what she is up to now.
Ensures that you end up in the cast…
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GLOVES! Nah, just kidding… He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
At least, that's what I will hope.
She believes I'm only after my money.
But theres too many drawbacks Edit: Heckin thanks for the platinum!!!
r/dadjokes: hello 14, hello deep, I'm dad
And that’s how I lost my job as a bus driver
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
You can only ran, because it’s past tents.
It’s not hard
They were great yolks
She still isn’t talking to me.
Noah was standing on the deck.
He went ice skating before it was cool
Bartender says "Three feet tall." Guy says "Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!"
As a german Guy I can say from experience that from this moment its not getting any better.
But so far I’ve made 3 vases and a jug so fuck you!
A mathematician came home and told his wife, “sorry honey, but I’m leaving you for my 18 year old assistant. I’ll be home in a few hours and I’d like for you to be gone.”
He got back home and found a note that read,” hi honey, I’ve left and decided to run off with the 18 year old pool boy. We are both 54 years old, and I think you’ll figure out as a mathematician that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18.”
Because 6, 7 8…
A father gave his three sons a duck each and asked them to go and try to sell them for the best price. The first son went out and sold his duck for $5, went home and told his dad what he had done. His father congratulated him and told him to go and buy himself a beer. The second son also sold his duck for $5. His father congratulated him and told him to go and buy himself a beer. The third son went out and saw a gorgeous blonde woman on the side of the road. He went up to her and said I’ll give you my duck if you have sex with me. She considered it and said “Ok”. They had sex and when they were done she said wow that was good, I’ll give you your duck back if you’ll do me again. The boy agreed. While they were having sex again, the duck got loose and ran out into the road. They saw the duck escape and pulled their pants on but not quickly enough to prevent the duck from getting run over by a car. The driver jumped out of the car and said “I’m so sorry i killed your duck. I’ll give you $40 to make up for it. When the third son finally returned home in the evening, his dad asked how much he had made. He said “I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and forty bucks for a fucked up duck.”
“What can I do for you, Father?” “I’m collecting for the orphanage.” “Just a moment,” says the little girl, closing the door. The priest waits patiently, then suddenly hears first one gunshot, then another. The little girl returns to the door and says: “OK, you can take me now.”
As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter…
I slid my finger back out, and within seconds, she was going down on me. I thought to myself, “I really need a new fucking boat.”
… I guess you can call me Dav now."