my first programmer meme
Decided to build them a house to live in and charge them rent. Now I collect rent from my tenants
He had loco motives
For support, rather than illumination.
Because they like to taste defeat.
It really makes my day.
He truly has a one track mind.
For the grater good. Just made this up in the kitchen and got an eye roll from my wife, so I figured it was good to post, even if it is a bit cheesy.
Sorry if this wasn't very funny to read out on Reddit. Most of my jokes are all in the delivery.
Then I got kicked out of the library.
Plagiarism. I just made up that word.
The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest you have!" He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby." He takes off his pants and the blonde says,' "What massive calves you have!" The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby." He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that. The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!"
Because they like fast food.
Nobody has heard of herbivore
When a short person waves at you, it's called a microwave
But now that I'm out of prison, I can honestly say it was worth it.
Thanks doc, it was so hard keeping all that under wraps
I’m just trying to obey the 2nd law of thermodynamics like a good boy.
Now it's all over the bottom of the oven…
I really don't know what else he wants to see.
Except the movie Up. He’s never gonna give you Up.
Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.
I haven’t heard from him since.
An Italian, a Frenchman, and an Englishman were discussing the wonderful screams that passion can evoke . . . The Italian said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra virgin olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non-stop, for two minutes." The Frenchman said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special perfumed aphrodisiac oil from Provence and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for three minutes." The Englishman said: "That's nothing! Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours." The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, "Two full hours? Wow! That's phenomenal, what did you do it to make her scream for two hours?" The Englishman replied: "I wiped my hands on the curtains."
Door opens and a beautiful young woman sits into their compartment. After a bit, while crossing her legs, the woman accidentally farts. She goes red to the tip of her hair so the Englishman gets up and says: "My apologies, madam, gentlemen, my lunch disagrees with me" After a while, the woman accidentally farts again. The Frenchman shoots up like a rocket and says: "Gentlemen, please excuse me, my lunch disagrees with me". Then the russian gets up and says: "I'm going out for a fag, if that bitch shits herself – it was me".
She got mad and said she’s never playing Scrabble with me again!