My friend claims he can print a gun in using his 3D printer…
But I'm not impressed, I've had a canon printer for ages.
Makes my job easier.
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up everything inside is numbered." The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded." The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over." But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine. Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable."
Covid 19 Boomer Humor
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just one byte. And then everything crashed.
Happy people just don’t cry in the lab
Spittin’ straight facts.
6:30 is the best time on a clock.
A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks. Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."
// this is a comment
The class that didn’t graduate
I challenged the number 1 to a fight, but he brought his friends 3, 5, 7, and 9.
The odds were against me.
Society after Coronavorus
When I see lovers’ names carved in a tree, I don’t think it’s sweet.
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
The girlfriend and I just drove by a shoe in the road
GF: A shoe! Me: Bless you Was pretty proud of myself for a couple minutes.
If you smoke seaweed
You need professional kelp
How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but the light bulb really has to WANT to change 😏😏
But muah FREEDUM!!!!
Posted by a friend the same age as me (Gen X)
They had us in the first half
The 1% is giggling
Dog is calling…
I laughed and then cried
Well that sucks.
Got this alert today in Pagerduty
Lakes do not curve. Seas do not curve. Oceans do not curve. Very simple.
Bring back the first world problems meme
The day I was waiting for
Someone Messaged Me On Discord Today
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me 😁
No text found
Me walking back to the project I abandoned two months ago
im blue da ba dee da ba daa
I can’t hold it for much longer
My dad tried to punch the fog today…
My daughter just looked at me funny when I farted next to her on the couch. She said it sounded like a duck. I replied with "Obviously, it came from my buttquack."
Just CSS things :D
Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise
He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.
To protect and serve.
Did you hear about the mechanic that was caught having sex with car parts?
He got off with a suspension.
Would u go to his party?
Wash your hands
my son is a male trapped in a female body
he'll be born in may.
i feel like this belongs here
My dad decided to name his new truck “Stormtrooper”…
That way he doesn't hit anything
Can monsters do math?
Not unless you count Dracula
Now that’s commitment
Isn’t it weird when sometimes you’re thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear?
Anyway, my dad just caught me masturbating
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach. “Ha! That’s not going to help,” she laughed.
“Sure, it does.” I said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
I like to call it Talibangelism!
My sister called my dad today to ask if there’s any history of glaucoma on his side of the family.
My dad: “None that I’ve seen!”
Socialism Vs Messiah!
Shocking When You Consider…
What’s the difference between a poor marksman and a constipated owl?
One shoots and shoots and never hits, and the other hoots and hoots and never shits.
What have you got to lose?
Young Virgin Couple
Young Virgin Couple A young virgin couple are finally wed. Each one is nervous about the impending night, but neither are willing to admit or ask each other about it. Wondering what to do first, the young man calls his father. "Pop, what do I do first?" "Get naked and climb into bed," his father replies. So, the young man does as he is advised. The girl is mortified and calls her mama. "Get naked and join him," is the advice from mama, so she complies. After laying there for a few moments, the young man excuses himself and calls his dad again. "Now what do I do?" he asks. His father replies, "Look at her naked body. Then, take the hardest part of your body and put it where she pees!" is the dad's advice. A few moments later, the girl again calls her mama. "What do I do now?" she asks. "Well, what is he doing?" mama asks. "He's in the bathroom, dunking his head in the toilet!"
Met an older lady at a bar last night.
She wasn't bad for a 55, we drank and flirted a bit, then she asked if I'd ever had a mother and daughter combo. I said,"No. But it's my secret fantasy." We drank a bit more, then she said that tonight was my lucky night. I went back to her place. She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs, "Mom! you still awake?"
Found this on Twitter
I don’t add features I add bugs
sure feel like it
I love this comics
If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex…
Would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?
Life on Stack Overflow
Whoever invented the knock-knock joke
should get a no bell prize.
K+ sparing diuretic
My kids ask me why I always knock on the refrigerator door before I open it.
I say, "Because there may be a salad dressing."
Codominant alleles be like
Where did Captain Hook purchase his hook?
At a second hand store.