My friend keeps saying “cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water”
I know he means well…
It was absolutely ribbiting
I haven’t seen any with more than 4.
It’s a Loki event.
"You just follow the instructions." "Which instructions?" "Yeah, they're the ones."
I just came to that realization.
Baaaa dumb hisssssss
Because the p is silent.
But apparently, I was too young…
His parents go to a plastic surgeon and the surgeon finds out the boy hasn’t been circumcised yet. The foreskin has nearly the same tissue as the eyelids, so the surgeon suggests a procedure using the baby’s foreskin to fix this problem. Ecstatic, the parents agree. After a few hours of surgery, it was a success! The boy is fine now, he’s just a little cock-eyed.
Anna One, Anna Two
Interviewer: Well, to start out in the beginning, you will be at a $30,000 salary, but later that number could go up to $50,000 or even $60,000. Man: Ok, I’ll come back later then.
Because “daddy” would be too suspicious
He said, "It's Private." I said, "Come on, you can tell me."
Girls develop tits around the age of thirteen, boys develop them around the age of forty.
There was nothing left but de Brie.
It’s full of s&m porn. Mom says: well what are we going to do? Dad says: what do you mean? Mom says: well.. we can’t spank him.
Three guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
Me: 'It's not worth fighting over'
"Hi, is my table ready?" "No, not yet sir. Do you mind waiting?" "No, that's okay." "Great, take these salads to table six then."
Forty-five. A couple dozen to turn it to the right, a score of them to turn it to the left, and one to really, really screw it at the end.
I suggested he become a pharmacist. He says he's got no experience. I said "whatever," all you do is follow the script!
It's a pane in the ass
They said: 'Thank you.' I said: 'Don't mention it.'
I thought to myself, that’s a little condescending.
They're really making headlines!
All that was left was de Brie.
The rotation of the earth
Two weeks ago a dear friend went into the hospital on bed rest with preeclampsia in hopes of keeping her baby in utero a little longer. To keep her cheered, I visited r/cleanjokes every day and sent her jokes throughout the day. She had her little preemie today … only 3 pounds but healthy. My friend told me she really looked forward to the jokes … and I found all of them here. So thank you to all of you who helped keep her cheered while she gave her precious baby more time.
When they get older, two of them become adult knees.
A ring actually means something to Gollum.