My gf left a note on the fridge: this is not working, im going to my mom’s house.
I opened the fridge's door, the light came on, the juice was cold. What the hell did she mean?
Mr. Bigger's baby because he's a little bigger.
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I’m on a plane and the lunch choices are white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I’m seated in the last row.
I’m hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.
Can’t say that I‘m surprised
The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" "We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied. "She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50…and I get $43 back from Medicare.
Because he has herd them all.
The drill slipped.
I can’t see it taking off.
The p is silent.
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I replied Kindergarten
that when you put it in a girl her immune system tries to fight it.
Teacher: What’s the monomer of rubber? Me: Is it monobber?
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
If Phoenixes can fly why is he Joaquin?
The results were château-strophic.
Except for the punchline.
He's a Boxer…
Are they all they were cracked up to be?
Just bought a new ‘Lesbian Bed’ from Ikea. Instructions say no nuts or screwing involved. It’s all tongue and groove.
Destruction of state property
He’ll be born in March.
What were the chances of that?
"DAD, please don…." "That's the spirit."
One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'm gonna punch you!" That was the punch line.
Is it The same shit different day?
Because they absolutely love digging up everything that has happened in the past.
…and chimney installations are through the roof!