My girlfriend is cheating on me with a doctor.
Yesterday, I found out my girlfriend is cheating on me with the primary doctor at her hospital. So from now on, I’ll be giving her an apple for lunch everyday. That oughta do the trick.
They lost my case.
You have to say Leroy, please paint that wall
It’s something I could always see myself doing
One turns to the other and says "what kind of music are you into?" The other one replies "I'm a big metal fan"
She asked "what's that?" I said "it's like 69 but you do all the work"
With little Caesars (Seezors)
Dad: No, it doesn’t
No text found
Instructor: don't lick my lips again.
When my daddy first seen me, he said "oh look, he's got my smile". Mom said "That's his backside, turn him over."
Hey! That's a salt!
ME: Through the glass bit
My daughter, Chewbacca, not so much
… a wrecked angle.
…but I just have too much on my plate right now.
A patient bursts into his therapist’s office and shouts, “Doc, you gotta help me. I keep dreaming that I’m trapped in a deck of cards!”
The therapist turns from his current patient and says, "I'm busy now. I'll deal with you later."
“Certainly, Sir,” I replied. “Are you eating in or taking out?” “Fuck off you cunt,” he snapped, before walking off with his food. I love working in the prison canteen.
Panquakes and shakin'
The second hand store.
It’s a dart board on a ceiling. (original: r/jokes)
A garbage truck.
A silent knight.
Because they're still alive.
But I'm still not 100% shore
I’m proud to say I’m officially clean!
A buddy of mine wasn’t feeling well, so I decided to send him 10 of my best puns to make him feel better.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.