My grandma doesn’t understand what black lives matter is
When the punchline becomes apparent. When does the punchline become apparent? After the delivery.
I said yes son, that's where you put your foot in
“Lettuce pray for peas on Earth.” Then “Why do I bother with puns, everyone here’s brain dead.”
Knock, knock. Who's there? Control freak. Control fr- Okay, now you say "Control freak who?"
It was the end of my Korea. I'm still China find another job.
Because if they also lived at the south pole, they would be bipolar bears.
It’d be a shame if someone put an ‘s’ at the front, and an ‘e’ at the end…
After letting out a trumpet of a fart my toddler stopped, gasped and said, “did you just hear that elephant?”
She's going too be a great dad someday.
I lost my case
I said to my psychiatrist, “My wife thinks I’m crazy because I like sausages.” He replied, “I don’t think you’re crazy. I like sausages too.”
"Really?!" I shouted. "You should come over to my house and see my collection!"
But a Tiger Wood!
I'm taking steps to avoid them
The rest, as they say, is History.
Dragon 1: It’s a bit hot in here Dragon 2: Shut your mouth
Immediately when I got medication for schizophrenia, my friends won't talk to me anymore.
I hate working at the McDonald's factory…
They're all females, otherwise they'd be uncles
Because they like to beat the crowd.
One does not simply walk into more doors.
So an honest lawyer, a hard working politician and Santa are walking and they find a 100€ note on the ground. Who is going to pick it up? Santa because the first two don't exist.
You get 8 more!
On the day my daughter was born Nurse: We're gonna have to give her a few shots in her heel. Me: Her heel?! She's not going to be able to walk for months!
“Being 70 is the worst!” The 70 year old exclaims. “Every morning at 7, I wake up to pee, but nothing comes out!”“Oh, that’s nothing!” The 80 year old says. “Each morning at 8, I wake up to poop, and I sit on the toilet for what seems like hours, but nothing comes out!”“Oh, that’s nothing” The 90 year old says. “I have it the worst!”“Can you pee?” The first man asks.“Certainly! Every morning at 7, I pee like a champion.”“Can you poop?” The second man asks.“Yes I can! Each morning at 8, I have a regular bowel movement.”“Then I don’t understand what the problem is!” The first man says.“Well, I wake up at 9!”
“Wow!” I say. “It’s climate change!”
I will find you. I have contacts.
But you can climate
Unfortunately the ouija board wasn't working
It really means a lot to them.
That’s a lot of pressure.
Because it’s the scenter
I'm not sure, but the flag is a big plus.