My grandma tagged me in this
Today, I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a wall.
As he turned and sneered at me, I thought, "that's a little condescending."
Will glass coffins ever be popular?
Remains to be seen
What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?
Shakespeare
My job is to drill holes in things and then bolt them together…
At first itβs boring, but later on, itβs riveting…
I told my dad I want to see Spider-Man: Far From Home
He said, "But son, it's the same film if you watch it here."
AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA!!!π£οΈπ₯π£οΈπ₯
AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA!!!π£οΈπ₯π£οΈπ₯
The government denied tax exemption for my church that believes Jesus spoke with a lisp
It was a real slap in the faith
If Iβm being subjective, the greatest sci-fi series of all time is Dr. Who.
If Iβm being objective, itβs Dr. Whom.
Someone stole 300 cans of Red Bull from my local store…
I don't know how they can sleep at night!
This girl ran up to me at the cemetery and said “I need to pass through the cemetery but I’m scared to walk alone. Can you walk with me across?”
I said "Oh yeah of course. Don't worry, I used to be super scared of cemeteries when I was alive too."
If you only believe in 12.5% of the bible
You're an eighth theist
Justice is a dish best served cold.
Because if it was served warm it would be Justwater
I am reading a horror story in Braille
Someone is gonna die, I can feel it.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer..
I don't know what he laced them with.. But I was trippin all day!
When writing a function and then googling just to see if there’s a better way
https://ift.tt/38mlMXf
What did James Bondβs mom say as she was giving birth?
Iβve been expecting you, Mr. Bond.
Well… Well… Well…
If it isn't 3 holes in the ground…
As a wheat farmer, I keep having these strange headachesβ¦
My doctor said it's my grains…
What is heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers?
The feathers. Because you have to live with the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
I never thought I’d qualify for the Nudist Olympics.
But I barely made it.
I’ve been accused of plagiarism
Their words, not mine
What is Yodaβs last name?
Layheehoo!
What jokes are allowed during quarantine?
inside jokes π