My grandpa’s full of these. I’ll send more
Man: Can’t say that I do. Therapist: Exactly. That’s the main one.
I was in the bar last night and this guy said to me, “I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar!”
I asked, “Is that a fret?”
Good players are hard to find.
Lean beef. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
It was a bit boring.
A buck an ear.
Cuz you’re blocking the TV
He said “Oh, I was just checking my balance”
I replied "Window or you'll what ?"
No text found
Creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?
He walked into a bra…
When I hear all the people complaining about the Nanochip that is implanted with the Covid vaccine I think about when I was young and had to swallow a whole floppy disc for the Polio vaccine
He replies "I'd love to have a cold one."
Beer nuts are $1.30 deer nuts are under a buck
The Englishman wants to go so they all have to leave.
Because they lactose.
As big as the previous two combined
Damn near poked my eye out.
A woman is deciding between three suitors which one to be with. She says to the three men, “we are still young and inexperienced, go out there and travel around the world, we’ll see when you come back.”
So the first guy goes to Europe and tours the different countries there. The second guy goes to Europe, then Asia, then Africa, then Australia and basically goes everywhere. The third guy doesn't go anywhere. 6 months later they all meet up and the first guy says, "I went to all the countries in Europe and have become more cultured after visiting all their historic sites. The second guy says, "I went to Europe and became more cultured, Asia and learned martial arts, Africa and fed starving children and Australia and fought a stingray, and survived. It cost me $400k but it was well worth it and is only a drop in the bucket to me." The third guy who didn't go anywhere walks around the woman once, stops in front of her and takes hold of the woman's hands, "I've just traveled around the whole world, because you are my whole world." Upon hearing this, the woman became emotional and with tears of happiness running down her face , she says, "That is by far the sweetest thing I've ever heard in my entire life. “ After this man spoke such sweet words. She was finally ready to make her the obvious choice… She then choice the second guy, the one with the most money.
but none of them work
…but he didn't know it was a magic forest. As he began to chop down a tree, the tree said "Wait I am a talking tree". The lumberjack said "And you will dialogue".
Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in Me: yeah he is really milking it
But, Plan e just might take off