My grandpa’s full of these. I’ll send more
I was wondering why the Frisbee was getting bigger
Then it hit me.
My wife’s 32 today but I’m only allowed to celebrate my wife’s birthday for half a minute
After all it is her thirty second birthday
The first rule of flight club…
is to take flying lessons. Also know how to read carefully.
TIL: Stephen King has a son named Joe.
I’m not joking, but he is.
Have you ever tried eating a clock?
It's really time consuming. Especially if you go for seconds.
I couldn’t follow the storyline of Stephen King’s “It”
Too many Maine characters.
911 what’s your emergency?
"Hello yes my Wife is going into labour!" "Is this her first child?" "No this is her husband"
How do you spell Panda?
In order to spell Panda, all you need is p and a.
I used to like Mitch Hedberg
I still do, but I used to too
I can’t go out to buy drapes for my windows…
These are uncurtain times
My moms response time for a slap in the face used to be 1ms
and it hertz alot.
I am reading a horror story in Braille
Someone is gonna die, I can feel it.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall down a cliff.
Baa-Dumm-Tsssss
Vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo…
We’ll keep you updated as the story unfolds…
Me: Can you help me get over my gambling addiction?
Therapist: You bet. Me: Yes, that’s why I asked.
Why don’t zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
They prefer to eat their fingers separately.
What do you call a beehive with no exit?
Unbelievable
Today I saw an ad that said “radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.”
I thought, "I can't turn that down."
A paedophile goings into a florist and says “I’d like to order some flowers”
“Orchids?” asks the florist “No, just the flowers” he replied
How do you cut the ocean in half?
With a sea saw
Something a climate denier told me
I dont know if this goes here but I think you all would find it funny.I was talking to a cousin about climate change (he claims its a hoax and that it is happening, but says not because of humans, in the same conversation). He said something that I just cant understand he said”if a fact CANNOT be disputed than it is not a fact.”Last time I checked facts where facts because they could not be disputed.
Is this sub still active?
There haven't been any posts all year! australia squad
I was watching Jurassic park the other day…..
…. when I thought "not only does my son have a really stupid name, he´s also a terrible driver"