My mans 😂
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more. For the second time she attempted the step, and once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!' The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we are friends."
He said, “Records are always a sound purchase.”
Two loading animations!
He came, he saw, he conquered
In my defense it was doggy style so it's more like 14 minutes.
Now it's all over the bottom of the oven…
She hasn’t realized it yet, but the Thyme is Cumin.
He's better off in the long run.
does that make you an iWitness?
Which is a really weird way to start a conversation if you ask me.
But most of then just have 4.
No, there are a whole series of fairy tales that begin with ‘If elected, I promise…’
They're going to start calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive
One slip of the tongue and you are in deep shit.
Some assholes got my pen
Me: No shit. I'm constipated.
Then does having sex for free make you a non-profit whoreganisation?
The second man dies. That's why you shouldn't repost.
They just seem so pointless to me.
A husband and wife love to play golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.
The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, “No, no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard!” “Well, what should I do?” asks the man. “Hold the club gently,” the pro replied, “just like you’d hold your wife’s breasts.” The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yards, straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can’t wait for her lesson.The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, “No, no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard.” “What can I do?” asks the wife. “Hold the club gently, just like you’d hold your husband’s thing.” The wife listens carefully to the pro’s advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway . . . about 15 ft. “That was great,” the pro says. “Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing the club like you’re supposed to!”
It's cutting edge technology.
One is a crusty bus station, and one is a busty crustacean.
Apparently it's ill eagle.
"Yes sir, the heat tends to kill them."
Because it hertz.
He got side burns.