My marriage is like a fairytale
A witch is waiting for me at home
Because they absolutely love digging up everything that has happened in the past.
A man swings his club and fails to hit the ball. Man: God damnit, I missed. A nun shakes her head in disapproval. The man swings again and misses yet again Man: Damnit, I missed again! Nun: Sir, if you keep on swearing like that, you're gonna go to hell. The man then laughs and dismisses the nun's comment. He makes one more attempt at hitting the ball, but to no avail. Man: God fucking damnit! The sky then goes dark, a lightning bolt strikes the nun, and you can hear a thundery voice say, "God damnit, I missed."
One. Men can be Feminists, too.
…Unless you want to deal with the Reaper cushions.
They always punch up the fuck line
She starts out by drawing a penis on the chalk board and asks the class, "Does anyone know what this is?" And little Johnny says, "Yes, my dad has 2 of them!" And the teacher says, "Are you sure about that?" And little Johnny says, "Yes, he uses a small skinny one to go to the bathroom, and a big long one to brush the babysitter's teeth."
They always punch up the fuck line.
“Yes, we arson.”
There would be mass confusion!
Because OMG they can’t even.
If it gets any worse I'll have to let her in.
He lost track of thyme…
Because if they lived by the bay, they would be bagels.
Who's there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes Sean Connery.
It’s syncing now
Dad: Yes, the Brits left.
It can write other words too.
Then I was born.
It’s an extremely rare dish order.
He handed the teller 10,000 Yen and the teller returned him $90. Confused, the Japanese man said "last month I exchanged 10,000 yen and received $100. Why today only $90?" The teller replied "Fluctuations" "Oh yeah? Fluck you Yankees too!" retorted the Japanese man
A small medium at large
I said, “You’ll come around eventually.”
They’re inconsistent seas.
“You’re much bigger than that.”
Because he conditioned it.
A construction worker on the third floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees one of the laborers on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear. So, the guy on the third floor tries to use signs. He points to his eye, meaning, "I," then at his knee, meaning, "need," and he moves his hand back and forth, meaning, "handsaw." The man on the first floor nods, then drops his pants and begins to masturbate. The man on the third floor freaks out and runs down to the first floor yelling, ''What the hell is wrong with you!? Are you stupid or something? I was saying that I needed a handsaw!'' The laborer looks at the construction worker and says, ''I knew that. I was just trying to tell you that I was coming.''
I said maybe-
Cop: It was a moving violation.