My mom keeps sending me this stuff
Funny how things are still tagged NSFW
As if any of us still have jobs
I broke my finger yesterday…
… on the other hand, I'm okay.
We all know the zip code to Beverly Hills is 90210 but what’s the zip code to Dawson’s Creek?
Spoiler 90108 for our lives to be over…
The government denied tax exemption for my church that believes Jesus spoke with a lisp
It was a real slap in the faith
If my son turned out to be transgender, he ain’t no son of mine
She’d be my daughter🥰
Got my dick wet for the first time today
Just learned about this shower thing, pretty cool
Buhdum tiss
https://ift.tt/2KD8QSE
Did you hear that Michael Jackson’s had a sex change?
He identifies as he/he.
If I have twin daughters I’ll name one Kate,
and the other duplikate.
I’m selling my dead batteries.
They’re free of charge if you’re interested.
Why was everyone shocked when the fruit fly’s girlfriend agreed to marry him?
Because the pair had only ever been on rotten dates.
6:30 is my favorite time. Hands down.
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HACKATHON RESULTS & WINNERS!
We’re finally here, a month and a half later than we should have been, ready to give you give you the 2019 Hackathon Results! And our winners a-Hold up a minute, not so fast. We have a few more things to say first, and seriously, what ever happened to suspense? First of all, thanks so much to everyone who entered the event and watched the Twitch streams; with your help this event has been a huge success and we’ve enjoyed running it the whole way through. We received a total of thirty entries, not a number to take lightly for sure. And most importantly, we now know what went right and wrong, and hopefully, this will let us make the next one even better. And of course, a huge thanks to our sponsors, who provided the backbone of this competition:JetBrains, Digital Oceans and Reddit (you’re on it right now).They’ve been especially generous in the rewards they’ve given to us which we’re about to give to you, so let’s get a little internet round of applause for them.Back to the results: judges were required to give entries a 0-5 score for relevance and 0-5 for presentation; both scores were then summed up for the entry’s total score. Explanations for both categories were provided, so please DM me if you’d like to get some feedback on your submission. We then averaged the scores for each entry from every judge, and turned that into a percentage. Unfortunately, we’ve had to disqualify some entries for the following reasons:It could not be run on any of the judges’ computers and the demos were not comprehensive enoughBuild instructions were not providedSource code modification was necessary for the entry to workIf your entries met one of those criteria, please keep that in mind if you enter our next Hackathon (or for that matter, nearly any other programming related competition). Judging is already a significant effort on our part, especially with a theme of this nature, and we don’t have the time to deal with a of these cases. Nevertheless, we still appreciate the effort to make an entry and we look forward to your next submission.All that aside, without further ado, it’s time to announce the winners: drumrolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll: Findio by csteinmetz1 and seanpmyers (/u/csteinmetz1) with a 95% score. You’ll both be treated to a 1 year JetBrains license for any IDE and $125 in DigitalOceans credits for each.EmojIDE by OnlyTwo_jpg/RubbaBoy (/u/OnlyTwo_jpg) with a 93% score. You’ll be given a JetBrains license and $175 in DO credits.In a deadocked tie, only decided in a last minute vote, What datetime is it right now by Yihwan (/u/yihwan) with a 90% score. You’ll get a JetBrains license and $75 in DO credits.Winners, please contact me, Gator or Steve on the Discord or on Reddit with your emails to claim your prizes.As mentioned above, we had a tie for 3rd place between Datetime, selfCaptcha and Hello World Enterprise Edition – but the race is not over yet. We still want you to decide the People’s Choice winner, which will win some large amount of Reddit coins. Vote here: https://ift.tt/33gpbnr again, thanks so much to all who entered, I think I can speak for everyone on the judging and streaming team that you’ve all given us at least some goods laughs with all your entries. We’ll love to see what y’all come up with next year (we may also possibly have a physical booth for the event, but don’t necessarily count on it). See you soon!As a quick aside, we’ll be opening moderator applications very soon and bringing in some rule changes, so please keep your eyes open for those.
While most puns make me feel numb,
mathematics puns make me feel number.
What did the copper say to the scientist who was going back home
Cu Tips of to my classmate for telling me this
Sometimes I touch my knees to my chest and lean forward,
That’s just how I roll.
Why should you never touch an electric fence
Because it hertz.
Having gay parents must be really difficult.
Either twice the Dad jokes or an infinite loop of “Go ask your mom”.
What did the llama say when he was getting evicted?
“I guess alpaca my bags.”
My girlfriend told me to fuck her like a man,
So I stuck it in her ass and said, “Yeah, you like that Steve.”
My New Years resolution is to lose weight.
So I'm off to the paint store since everyone seems to get thinner here.
Why do dentists have so many trophies?
Because they got rid of the plaques. (This one popped into my head getting into the shower. Crap, it’s early.)
After several dates, my girlfriend wanted me to meet her parents, so they invited me over for dinner. It did not go well…
During the meal, somebody started playing footsies with me under the table, then gradually moved up and kept rubbing until I came. Later, I told my girlfriend how much I had enjoyed the sexy play during dinner. She got so mad and said that it wasn't her. I guess I got off on the wrong foot.
Can we just stop specifying the state when we make this joke? Pretty sure I’ve seen all 50
https://ift.tt/2xjJXr3
Sleeping is so easy
I can do it with my eyes closed.
I haven’t spoke to my wife in 7 years
I don't want to interrupt her
3 men were in a boat. There were 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.
So they threw one into the sea and the whole boat became a cigarette lighter.
Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Disney collection…
Except the movie Up. He’s never gonna give you Up.
Occasionally I drew Carey
but I drew Barry more
You can tell Monopoly is an old game…
…because there's free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.
A little boy came running up to me and pleaded, “Please help! My daddy is in a fight!” I followed him and came across two men fighting, so I asked him, “Which one’s your dad?!”
He shouted, "I don't know! That's what they're fighting about!"
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!”
The lumberjack grinned, “And you will dialogue!"
what do you call a dog that can do magic tricks?
a labracadabrador
Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A: In case he got a hole in one.