My multithreaded application
I’m hosting a charity event for people who can’t orgasm.
Let me know if you can't come
I was sacked from the ice cream factory today
Just because I refused to work on a Sundae!
Went to a theater and my dumb friends wouldn’t sit together.
We ended up getting into a row.
![Waiting for that message [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/avl5oiV-400x417.jpg)
My wife just called me and said, “Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!”
I replied, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat?
A lifetime ban from the petting zoo.
I didn’t think wearing orthopedic shoes would help…
…but I stand corrected.
I’ll never forget my grandfather’s last words
Quit shaking the ladder you little bastard!!!
It’s really hard to say what my wife does for a living.
She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
My 11yo daughter just made up a joke. What do politicians thing of themselves?
That they're politicool… Im biased but i think its genius
How is a trans 4-year old like a vegan cat?
We all know who’s making that decision
Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf…
I haven’t heard from him since
What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones, but people in Abu-Dhabi-do! -Dad
How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?
Let's go ride bikes!
why was the electrician in the hood?
coz switches be trippin,
I was browsing in a liquor store when an employee asked me “Do you need help?”
I said, “Yes, but I’m here to get whiskey instead.”
I was addicted to masturbating, now I’m addicted to sex.
It’s really gotten out of hand.
A farmer is lying in bed with his wife….
when he turns to her grabs her tits and says "Honey if you could get milk out of these we could sell the cow". Then he grabs her pussy and says "Honey if you could get eggs out of here we could sell the chickens". She turns to him smiles,grabs his dick and says "Honey if you could get this up I could get rid of your brother"
How do you make an egg roll?
You push it.
I asked my friend if he knew a pachyderm famous for its trunk. He suggested Dumbo.
But that was Ear-Elephant.
My wife told me I needed to grow up, I was speechless.
It’s hard to talk when you have 45 gummy bears stuffed in your mouth
My wife is really made at the fact that i have no sense of direction.
So i packed up my stuff and right.
Who was the first plagiarist?
Moses. He could control sea.
My mate broke his leg so I went to see him at home.
“How are you mate?” “Yeah, I’m okay. But do me a favor mate. Go fetch my slippers from upstairs. My feet are freezing.” I went upstairs and found his two gorgeous 21-year-old twin daughters lying naked on the bed. I said “Your dad’s sent me up here to have sex with both of you. They respond “Get away with ya… Prove it.” I shouted downstairs “Hey, mate! Both of them?” He shouted back “Of course both of them! What’s the point in fucking one?”
My son loves my Delorean
So I let him drive it from time to time
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in a crack
The Teacher Asked the Class to Name Something that Ends in -Tor and Eats Things.
Gabe raised his hand first. He said, "Predator." "Clever answer! They sure eat things!" The teacher told him. Next, Dylan raised his hand. "Oh! I know! Raptor!" "You are very smart! Raptors eat many different things," the teacher said. Then, little Timmy answered. "Vibrator!" The class went dead silent. The teacher told Timmy, "Um Timmy, I don't think vibrators eat things…" Timmy was confused. "Really? My sister told me it ate through batteries like crazy!"
A Mexican, recently arrived in the US, wanting to earn some money, decides to become a handy-man…
…and starts looking for some work in an up-scale neighborhood nearby. He goes to the front door of the nearest house and asks the owner, if he had any odd jobs for him to do. “Well, you can paint my porch, how much will you charge?” the owner says. The Mexican responds, “How about $50?” The owner says “Fine, there’s a can of brown paint and brushes in the garage.” The owner’s wife, inside the house, overhearing the conversation asks her husband, “Does he realize that the porch goes all around the house? That’s a whole day’s job!!” The man replies, “He should; he was standing on it. Not my problem if he didn’t pay attention.” A short time later, the Mexican comes to the door and asks for the $50. “You’ve finished already?” the husband asks. “Yes,” he replies, “and there was paint left over, so I gave it two coats.” Impressed, the man reaches into his pocket for the money and hands it to him. “And by the way,” the Mexican adds, “it’s not a Porsche, it’s BMW"
How do you measure the mass of a Red Hot Chili Pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
Thor doesn’t get drunk…
He gets hammered.
I’m trying to find out what the lowest rank in the army is
But everyone keeps saying it's private
Whenever I’m in trouble, I think, ‘what would Jesus do?’
Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days.