My mum always used to say “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”.
Nice lady, terrible surgeon.
Sadly, none of them work.
Hmmm . . .a million dollars is a lot of money. I could do a lot of good with that. Would it just be the one time? Yeah I guess I would for a million dollars. How about $20? $20? Are you serious? What kind of woman do you think I am? We’ve already established what kind of woman you are. Now we’re just negotiating the price.
they don't know how to spell congrajlashins.
When it turns in-to a driveway
He is disqualified
No text found
I made a virtual bubble wrap to keep you all busy during quarantine. There might be some irregular bubbles, but that is normal.
pop pop pop pop pop pop pop Nev er Gon na Giv ve You Up, Nev er Gon na Let You Dow, n pop pop pop pop pop pop pop
He kept talking about how he wants to shake things up.
Turns out he wasn’t born yesterday.
That makes me an eighth theist.
Me: That’s ….sound advice.
Just in case there is a Salad Dressing
The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
You're still using fowl language.
The bartender says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl". He looks over and sees that the guy has finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?" The other guy says, "No. Help yourself". He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about half way down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl. The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got, too".
Mom: Stares at Dad Dad: Clenches fist Mom: "Don't!" Dad: Sweats Profusely Mom: "…" Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"
Trump in a low whisper to his chief of staff: “I thought I paid that bill already.”
He was a little chili.
A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid.", answered the woman. "We don't have a maid!" "I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house." "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" "Ummm…she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband." The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" "What do I have to do?" "I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she's with." The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots. The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?" "Throw them in the swimming pool!" "What pool?" "Uh.. is this 832-4173?"
Patient: "Yes it does, doctor." Doctor: "Good, now are we vaccinating your child, or do I have to slap you again?"
Let's go ride bikes!
I just don’t see it.
It’s all about raisin awareness.
To render the buildings on the other side.
I just needed an outlet.
Girl: Stop flirting with me on the walkie talkies, someone’s gonna hear us. Over.
My son was rejected from Indiana University. Feeling persistent, he asked me if he should call one of the advisors and plead for admission.
I told him beggars can’t be Hoosiers.
It was cutting-hedge technology.
A four-chin teller.