My prepositions teacher died.
Rest on peace.
I just ate a frozen apple
It was hardcore
I never believed the chiropractors actually worked
But now I stand corrected
My wife thinks I don’t give her enough privacy…
At least, that’s what she said in her diary
![The “[blank] 100” meme is probably the worst format that still exists](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/kkntcgec5gq21-400x474.jpg)
I’m 29 and my 30th birthday is tomorrow. My gf asked if I feel old yet.
I said, "Not even. I'm still in my prime."
My wife wanted to get into “role play” to spice things up in the bedroom
I asked what she had in mind. "Let's play doctor", she said. I told her to go in the bedroom, shut the door, take off all of her clothes and wait on the bed for me. After a half an hour I walked in, told her to lose 20 lbs. and handed her a bill for $300.
I tripped in France
Eiffel over
An Irishmen walks into NASA and says
"Can Ireland my spaceship on the moon"
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
I was going to put a joke on here about carpentry.
But i didn't think it wood work.
Why was the virgin left hanging?
No text found
It takes guts to be an organ donor.
No text found
When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85.
That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
Where do you go to buy used coffee machines?
Keurigslist
What did the vampire say after drinking the donkey’s blood?
Tastes like ass.
Whenever I’m sad my friend always says “cheer up man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole that is full of water”
I know he means well… Edit: WOAH! my first silver. Thank you anonymous stranger!
For people on this sub who are thinking of getting married, consider this carefully before you do.
On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring. On the other hand, you don’t.
If number 666 is evil,
then 25.8069758011 is the root of all evil.
Did you hear about the kid who kept getting electrocuted ?
His Dad finally grounded him
I just found an origami porn channel
but it's paper view.
It’s sad that nothing is made in America anymore…
I just bought a new t.v. and it said “Built in antenna” I don’t even know where that is!
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately falls absolutely silent…..
…in a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. The bouncer is a blonde girl. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?" The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
Never challenge death to a pillow fight
unless you’re ready to face the reaper cushions
People call me Mr. Compromise…
Wasn't my first choice for a nickname, but I can live with it…
The person who invented the wheel to make life easier is so lazy
All he did was cut corners
I’m frightened of elevators
I’m taking steps to avoid them now
I was bored so I dug three holes in my backyard.
My wife came home and said "Well, well, well…"
In the middle of the battle, I decided to use a knife to preserve my ammo.
All the other paintball players started freaking out though.
Pilot: *over intercom* we’re all gonna die!
Passengers: start freaking out Pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when! Passengers: sigh with relief Pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit this mountain!!
I was once kidnapped by a group of mimes
They did unspeakable things to me
Why did the plane get sent to his room?
For a bad altitude
My son asked me, “Dad, what are condoms used for?”
Me: Usually to avoid answering such questions.
Did you hear about the man who was arrested for stealing electricity?
He was cleared of all charges.
When I was a boy..
My momma would send me down to the corner store with 1$ and I'd come back with 5 potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese, a box of tea, and 6 eggs. You can't do that now… Too many fuckin' security cameras.
