My sister got me fucked up 😂💀☠
It wasn’t my test, but I took it anyway.
From a cow with short legs.
I can’t believe how far I’ve come.
Because people are exorcising.
He calls them missle toes.
Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.
Son: I’m really gonna miss you, Dad. The dad, with his dying breath, utters, “Hi Really Gonna Miss You, I’m Dad.” A single tear rolls down the son’s cheek
It was an ether/oar situation.
Their words, not mine.
It may sound far-fetched but it’s true. I watched it all unfold.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Because spreading misinformation is government's job.
But, baby, it’s cold outside!
Me: Yes, twice, accidentally. Wife: How do you accidentally pee in the shower? Me: Well, sometimes I pee while I’m pooping.
“Let’s go in and get something to eat,” Jim suggests. “We can’t,” responds John. “Don’t you see the sign says No Pets Allowed?” “Oh, that sign?” says Jim. “Don’t worry about it.” Taking out a pair of sunglasses, he walks up to the door. As he tries walking into the restaurant, the host says, “Sorry, no pets allowed.” “Can’t you see?” says Jim. “I am blind. This is my Seeing Eye dog.” “But it’s a Doberman pinscher. Who uses a Doberman pinscher as a Seeing Eye dog?” the host asks. “Oh,” Jim responds, “you must not have heard. This is the latest type of Seeing Eye dog. They do a very good job.” Seeing that it worked, John tries walking in with his Chihuahua. Even before he can open his mouth, the host says, “Don’t tell me that a Chihuahua is the latest type of Seeing Eye dog.” John responds angrily, “You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?”
But I told them I couldn't quit "cold turkey "
They keep moving around.
It is because she has so many fans.
Quick! Someone call the bamboolance.
I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
…are the leading cause of dry skin.
It always cracks up
Step 1 Step 2 Step 3 Step 6 Step 12 Step 24
Because they're full of anty bodies.
The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly. After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes. The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it: "Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please." His friends laugh on the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a tea pot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep. After a good night's rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went. The nervous receptionist whispers that KGB came and took them before dawn. The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared. The receptionist responds: "Well, comrade major did quite like your tea gag."
my shower gets turned on.
The judge says: "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday to see how you got on" On Monday, the judge asks the first guy: "How did you do over the weekend?" Guy 1: "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever" Judge: "Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it? " Guy 1: "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this; O o. Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," says the judge. Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?" Guy 2: "Well, your honor, I persuaded 350 young guys to give up drugs forever." "Wow!" says the judge. "350 people! How did you manage to do that?" Guy 2: "Well, I used a similar diagram, I drew two circles like this; o O. Then I pointed to the little circle and said, 'This is your arsehole before prison………….."
I guess you could say I've hit rock bottom…
to a temporary tattoo parlour to get a tattoo. After it wouldn't wash off this morning I went back to complain, but the tattoo parlour wasn't there.
is sphere itself.