My son said I’m not funny
"That's right," I answered. "I'm Dad."
My wife flashed before my eyes.
They all replied "How did you get in here??"
A wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok a wok…
Girl 1 turned to her mother and said… Girl 1: Mommy, why is my name Lily? Mom: Because when we took you out of the Hospital, a Lily petal fell on your head. The second Daughter, now curious, asks the same question… Girl 2: Why is my name Rose? Mom: When we took you out of the Hospital, a rose petal landed onto your head This is when the 3rd daughter pipes up and says… Girl 3: AAAARRRGHFFFFJJJFSSSLLLHHH Mom: Shhhhhhh, quiet down now Cinder Block
Didn't they already have names?
That sail has shipped.
Since she can't even beat an egg
I always end up throwing them away anyways.
THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN OSLO!
Everyone hates it, but I’m a fan.
He always leaves you hanging
Because I feel an uprising in my lower classes.
A tea toddler
I’m proud to say I’m officially clean!
It's a Sikh wall.
Because he doesn’t want to be spotted
Totally nailed it.
It’s his altar ego.
Therapist: So what brought you two here? Wife: I just hate how he takes things so literally? Therapist: What about you? Husband: A car.
Cause I’m not sure – I don’t have 2020 vision. You’re welcome, Dad
All they do is flash and bang people.
They’re so full of themselves
Because they're so good at it.
Specifically jokes for a 2nd in command, or 1st Officer to the Captain. Like: "Hi, I'm second in command so I have to drive the ship when the Captain gets seasick." Or "Hi, I'm second in command, which means I do the hard job and the Captain gets credit for it!" I'd be grateful if anyone can share any.
It was soda pressing.
Which is ironic, because we were both waiting for the bus.
It was an ether / oar situation.
– said by a very passionate eye doctor as they throw eye glasses into a crowd. (credit goes to my mom)
Well, that was a trip down memory lane.
Their ship, an aging minesweeping model, had wrecked off the coast of an uninhabited island. As the older veteran worked to build a makeshift camp, the younger soldier managed to salvage a radio, and quickly telegraphed an SOS with their coordinates. To their surprise, a ship responded within the hour, confirming that it could arrive at their position in approximately two weeks. The old vet sighed and shook his head, saying he'd rather take his chances swimming out to the wrecked ship and trying to repair it. The young soldier scoffed. "You'd really rather play with that old mine craft all day?" The older man shrugged. "It's better than a fortnight."
Because Dawn is tough on Greece
I find them quite re-markable.