My whole life was a lie
They can’t keep a straight face
An octopus with 1 extra heart. (It’s a learning joke 😁)
I’m now the CIEIO.
I’m surprised that 'Call 911' didn’t make the cut.
That shit was nuts!
I can't stand that kind of shear incompetence.
He doesn't know if he will ever come back or not. So, he puts on an iron chastity belt on his wife, gives the key to his best friend Micheal and says, "If I don't come back in 3 years, set her free". Michael agrees and brave Knight Edward sets out on his big black horse. He gallops toward the hills, knowing he may be leaving his beloved city forever. When on top of the hills, he looks back, just to have one last look at his beloved city. To his surprise he sees a big cloud of dust coming towards him. He waits and soon can make out the shapes of a horseman coming toward him as fast as the poor animal can manage. When the horseman is closer, he can finally see it is none other than his best friend Micheal. Michael stops his horse, still panting "you gave me the wrong keys".
Or sew it seams
A garbage truck
Should I be worried, or is it just a phrase?
Every time I hit a speed bump, I tell her it was a dog.
But it’s still not nearly as sensitive as Reddit.
He was loafing around.
7YO: Knock knock! Me: Who's there? 7YO: Europe Me: Europe who? 7YO: (with mock outrage) I'm not a poo! you're a poo!
but I need to think it, over.
She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.
But China got it right off the bat.
She says it drives her up the wall.
Cos when 1 person sneezes a 100 people shit themselves.
He was tired of being a web developer.
A four-chin teller.
Pun in, ten dead.
It’s the hidden charges you have to watch out for.
Student : I is the … Teacher : Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student : OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
To render the buildings on the other side.
Boo tea. (Courtesy of my 6 year old)
and sometimes Mayo neighs.
Wife asks "Why do you think that?" He replies "Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear…" (Not mine, my dad found it somewhere and was very proud of making the family groan…)
You've probably never heard of herbivore
But that’s a whisk I’m willing to take.