My wife convinced me to have reversed roles during sex last time…
That was a pain in the ass.
I was surprised when the coffee I ordered tasted just like mud.
The barista told me it was fresh ground.
My teenage daughter is really acting odd..
She can’t even
I named my overweight cat Kelvin
Because he is an absolute unit.
![[O]f [C]ourse](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/0taecne88fh41-400x318.png)
I’ve just started reading my first ever Braille horror story.
I think that something scary is about to happen, I can feel it.
A couple goes to a sex therapist..
A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" "We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied. "She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50…and I get $43 back from Medicare
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
A ba-na-na-naaaa.
I just saw my Chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now.
Oh wait, my bad. That wasn’t my waiter.
If a cowboy is happy
Does that make him a jolly rancher?
We have hit 20,000 members! Thank you all!
Firstly I’d like to thank each and every one of you who had joined this subreddit. This subreddit full of memes that I, myself, don’t even understand. 20000 people, that’s just… wow!It is an honour to serve this community and every single one of you members, new or old.Secondly I’d like to say how activity in this subreddit has been at an all time high, we are getting more posts than ever, of course that means more reposts, and posts that break other rules that our subreddit has, but on behalf of the moderation team, I’m here to assure you that we have you covered, we want to make sure you only get the highest quality posts when you look at r/sciencememes.I hope to see you again when we hit our next major milestone.If you ever need me, or any other of the moderation team feel free to use ModMail, if you see a post or comment breaking the rules, don’t be afraid to report them.🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳
My friends call me 007 when i play call of duty with them.
0 Kills 0 Assist 7 Deaths
I know a great joke about unrefined oil, but I can’t post it here.
It's a little too crude.
I was robbed by 6 dwarfs today.
Not happy.
I adopted a dog that used to belong to a blacksmith.
First thing he did when I got him home was make a bolt for the door.
I seen this while scrolling through Facebook and i think the big noses qualify enough.
https://ift.tt/2WVozS1
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent
Never date a baker!
They're way too kneady…
I was telling my friend there’s only one thing I get really scared of at Halloween.
"Which is?" he asked. "Exactly."
Three Irishmen walk out of a bar.
Yep. It can happen.
My son asked me what an updog was.
I told him it was an older version of a henway. “What’s a henway?” My son asked. “About 5 pounds” I replied.
![The real effect of UV-light on parties [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/9sfpuipr5vy11-400x225.png)
“How much to buy a singing ensemble?”
PRODUCER: You mean a choir? “Fine, how much to acquire a singing ensemble?”
I like my women like I like my whiskey.
12 years old and mixed up with coke. Disclaimer: This is just a joke. I do not condone the practice of mixing whiskey with coke.
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics
My teacher always starts her class by reading one of the posts from r/jokes, but today she’s absent.
So instead, a subreddit.
Did you hear about the carpenter who drank on the job?
He got hammered
When orders for acetone, benzene and methanol plummeted…
…the chemical plant became insolvent…