My wife finally let me pick out the outfits this year 😎🤓
But then it grew on me
I had to draw my own conclusions.
One takes photos, the other takes five toes!
I told her to please leave it in the jug. My wife eye-rolled SO hard and then apologized to the cashier 😀 The cashier was laughing though, so I'll take the win.
Sails have gone through the roof
… for 20 seconds. … And only once.
And now there aren’t any horny milfs in my area that want to have sex with me anymore.
Came up with any other phrases. Edit: Thank you for the silver
You'd think it would be "R" or "C", but it's actually "P", because without it, he'd be irate.
One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers. They traveled to a Hydra base surrounded by four barriers. When they got to the first barrier, Hulk smashed it. When they got to the second barrier, Tony Stark fired up his Iron Man suit and blasted a hole through it. When they got to the third barrier, Thor took out Mjolnir and bopped a hole in it. Then they got to the fourth wall, and Deadpool said, "Am I supposed to be the punchline to this joke?"
When it turns into a driveway.
Looks like she is preparing some kind of barbie queue.
But it is what is on the inside that counts.
It couldn’t stop getting high on quack
Cuz they're full of BOOS
Especially because his name’s Steve.
I have no idea why he was so desperate for an ex box.
She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. “Hello, sir, how are you?” “Fine, thank you,” he responded, and turned back to his book. “I love the beach. Do you come here often?” she asked. “First time since my wife passed away last year,” he replied, and again turned back to his book. “Do you live around here?” she asked. “Yes, I live over in Suntree,” he answered, and then resumed reading. Trying to find a topic of common interest, Sarah persisted. “Do you like pussycats?” With that, the man threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers, tore off both their swimsuits and gave her the most passionate ride of her life! As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped and asked the man, “How did you know that was what I wanted?” The man replied, “How did you know my name was Katz?”
He said there was a vas deferens.
My bosses tie
My girlfriend said to me, “I’m sick of you pretending to be a detective. I think we should split up.”
I said, "Good idea – we can cover more ground that way!"
Please upvote because I want this house to be spotless.
"Back in my day, it was Monday".
I told her we use names here