My wife just told me she was pregnant…
True story. I used this as an opportunity to tell my first Dad joke:
"Hello, Pregnant. My name is Dad."
Dumb, but I don't care. I'm on top of the f'ing world right now and nothing can take me down.
That will give you a reason to get up in the morning.
That shit was nuts!
have very little in common.
Because most of the brides get cold feet.
Everybody came.. You should have seen her face
1Forrest1 Edit: Thanks for the Silver Award
In Sundays they eat fishermen.
Somewhere over the rainbow, weigh a pie.
It must be viral.
A husband died. A few years later, his wife died. As she got to heaven she saw her husband and ran up to him with tears in her eyes. "Darling, oh how I've missed you!" The husband extends his arms, stopping her from embracing him and says, "Woah there woman. The contract was until death."
Wife:why is it that you don't like anyone from my side of family? Husband: No way, I love your Mother-in-law more than my Mother-in-law.
My self confidence is skyrocketing! A TON of people think I’m sexy at this green light right now….
It was a booby trap
Because it’s pasture bedtime.
3 people having sex is called a threesome Now I know why they call me handsome.
None. It's a hardware problem.
Hillary's emails. Nobody can get over those fuckin' things apparently
"Have to love Easter, baby…."
Because they’re two tired
And then we'll all be sorry.
It can write other words too.
The Russian tells him, "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows." "Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown." "And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to be light brown color." The prince says, "I rather like the Turkish bulls. Fine specimens indeed." "Excellent choice, your majesty. But Turkish bull is special. They is bred for royalty, like you. But if you have royal blood, you must be bonding with bull calf when young, before they change color. Or they will reject you," the Russian explains. "Well", the prince says, "I'm looking for a strong, adult bull. I'm not particularly interested in buying a calf. I rather like this big, beige bull over here." The prince attempts to pet the large Turkish bull. It sniffs his hand, shakes its head in disgust, turns around and kicks the prince with its hind legs. The prince goes flying across the room and lands in a pile of hay. "Where did you get such a horrible beast?! Why did it kick me!?" He sputters. "I told you. From Turkey." The Russian explains. "Is tan bull, can't stand a noble."
its called Plagiarism