My wife said I had to stop eating Thanksgiving leftovers right out of the fridge. I had to quit cold turkey.
No text found
A man’s fence is broken and he needs to hire someone to fix it.
So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free. He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to lose so he hires him. Sure enough a few days later the monk shows up with a toolkit in hand, the man shows the monk that his fence has been ripped out of the ground and that he needs to replace it. About an hour later the monk walks in and tells the man he is finished, and when the man goes outside he sees that the fence is perfect, thinking he can't just tell the monk to leave after doing such a great job for free he invites the monk inside for a cup of coffee. The man then starts talking to the monk, "It surprised me to see a monk offering services for fence repair, why do you do it?" he asked the monk replied "Religious reasons." The man then says "I don't know much about Buddhism, why do you need to repair fences?" "Because" the monk replied, "You would be surprised at the amount of karma you get for reposting."
I denounce that barbers religion
It's hairesy
“You’re the bomb!” “No, you’re the bomb!”
In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
A guy went to a Halloween party wearing regular clothes with his girlfriend sitting on his shoulder…..
…the host said where's your costume? The guy said I'm wearing a costume – I'm a snail. The host said you're a snail? The guy said yes, a snail, and pointed to his girlfriend and said this is Michelle.
As a doctor, I never make jokes about an unvaccinated child.
But I’m planning to give it a shot.
Did you know that today is the only day that tells you what to do?
March fourth! (I told this to my coworkers and none of them appreciated my sense of humor)
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet.
I asked my 18 siblings and they don’t know either.
[Announcement] If you keep spamming your youtube channels here then your post will be marked as spam.
Which means that you will not only be banned from posting to this sub but you may get a shadow ban from reddit. Shadow ban means that you will not be able to post anything to ANY subreddit. Just follow the rules before posting.
NSFW
Oral sex in the morning? I call that a Head Start.
Whats the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
Does length matter? Short answer: no.
Long answer: yes.
My friend David had his ID stolen.
Now he's just Dave.
What do you call an evil Muslim?
Muhahahahahahammed
I HAD A DREAM LAST NIGHT THAT I KNIGHTED AN ELECTRIC FISH…..
IT WAS SIR EEL
dating me
pros and cons of dating me pros : dating cons: me
Did you hear about the guy that got hit with a can of soda?
He was lucky it was a soft drink
I keep asking people what LGBT stands for.
No ones given me a straight answer.
Why did the wizard seductively kiss his girlfriend below the jawline?
He was a neck romancer.
PETA is like a box of chocolates
They kill dogs
Cop: You were going 68 in a 55
Me: Dang, 68? Can you make that number a little cooler so I can hear the judge saying it out loud? Cop: Sure whatever [Later in traffic court] Judge: How were you going 420 in a 55?
These jokes…
At first I thought that these jokes just weren't that funny. Then I realized that I'm depressed… and these jokes aren't that funny.
I cut my mouth on cheese.
My wife must've bought the extra sharp cheddar.
Regardless of price, Velcro is always a rip off
No text found
I tell it in the wrong order.
Why am i bad at telling jokes?
A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses inside him
The doctor described his condition as stable!