My wife tapped me on the shoulder and complained that Susan was keeping her awake.
"Who the fuck is Susan?" I asked.
She said, "You tell me. You were the one sleep talking."
certain circumstances funny
Grass…… I lied about the wheels.
So I pushed her under a bus
He was consumed by his own pride
I was sad until she told me "Don't worry I'm just kidding, nothing could be father from the truth."
She told all her friends I had a small dick. Luckily they all knew she was lying.
I can’t even remember why I was carrying it around
"Silence of the Lambs"
It was cooked in Greece
If you do it you'll see why.
It doesn’t. It poops on my floor.
Really hope that it isn’t Christopher Robin my house
So I sent him a card, “Get well soon.”
With little Caesars (Seezors)
An hour after checking in, the man calls the front desk. Man- "My wife and I had a fight and she is going to jump out the window." Help desk- " It's your personal matter and we cant help in this situation. " Man- " Personal matter my ass the window doesn't open."
I hope you're happy now.
So I packed all her clothes and left.
The instructor said, "How the hell did you bring the cows here?"
There was a man who lived on a farm with his wife in the middle of nowhere. All they owned was a truck, a few cows, and an old bull. They didn't have much, but they were happy. One day, the farmer woke up and found that the bull had died. He went to his wife and said, "I take our money into the town and buy us a new bull. I know you need the truck here to keep the farm running, so when I get us a bull, I'll send you a telegraph so you know when to pick us up." His wife went and got the money and then said goodbye. The farmer arrived in town late that day and had to get a hotel room. The next morning he only had 401 dollars left. He went to the market and was able to buy a strong, young bull with the 400 dollars. It had been a long time since he had been to town, but as long as the telegraph prices hadn't gone up, he should be able to send a full sentence to his wife with his dollar. When he arrived at the post office, he said to the telegraph operator: "I need to send a message to my wife so she can pick up my bull and I. How much is a word?" "Prices went up a few years ago," replied the operator. "A word is 1 dollar." "Oh no," said the farmer "I can only send one word!" He thought for a little while and then said, "Ok, send my wife the word 'comfortable.'" "Comfortable? Are you sure?" asked the operator. "My wife has a 4th grade education," the farmer replied. "When she reads she has to sound each word out syllable by syllable. So when she sees the word comfortable, she'll read it as 'come-for-ta-bull.'"
He seems confused as to why my car would dress like that.
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with shaky teeth
And when someone tried to take the candy from my hat i told them "My hat my candy"
It's his altar ego.
They taste like sheet.
He said it was absolutely sublime.