My work has just hired an Australian IT expert
He comes from a LAN down under
The surgeon walks in, takes a deep breath and says: “Okay, David. This is a simple operation.” The man says: “My name isn’t David.” The surgeon replies: “No, it’s my name.”
I'm a cashew!
Because it hertz.
My wife came home and said "Well, well, well…"
Most of the dirty jokes I see on this sub are either about necrophilia, bestiality, or masturbation. They used to be funny.
But at this point, they're beating off a dead horse.
I wish I could post it in another subreddit
During my prostate exam, my doctor told me it’s perfectly normal to become aroused and even ejaculate.
That being said, I still wish he hadn’t.
But I don't want to spread it.
And a life time ban from the Central Park Zoo
I guess that makes me a faux pa.
We were maid for each other.
Policeman: Whos car is this, where are you taking it and what do you do for a living? Miner: Mine
She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung”. Like I was supposed to know the name.
A Rogue will pick the lock. A Monk will just use their Ki.
stand in the corner, because its 90 degrees there
I asked who got papers, and they took off running.
Because they’re good buoys
Probably because he was never around
My wife’s favorite song is “Ain’t No Sunshine” by Bill Withers and she reminds of this every single time it’s on the radio…
I reply, "I know, I know, I know, I know, I know…"
Republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.
He disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.
Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.
It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.
Imagine being held at gunpoint by (bear with me) a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on social media.
wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.