Nailed it😂
Two reasons I don’t give money to homeless people. 1) They are going to spend it all on drugs and alcohol
2) I am going to spend it all on drugs and alcohol.
Why do pirates love this subreddit?
It be the best place to exchange stolen content for gold.
Did you hear about the English teacher who went to jail?
She got a full sentence
What do you call a midget having an orgasm?
A shortcoming
my friend told me there’s a gay guy in our circle of friends
i really hope it's Jerry, he's cute
If you’re having a bad day, just punch an orphan.
Who are they going to tell? Their parents?
There are two types of people in this world.
Those that finish their sentences and those
[NSFW] I went for a job interview to become a blacksmith yesterday. The interviewer asked me if I’d ever shoed a horse.
I said no, but I once told a donkey to fuck off.
My door to door fruit delivery business failed terribly because of my horrible interpersonal skills.
I was driving people bananas.
Justice is best served cold.
Because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.
‘Our love withstands our flaws, imperfections & shortcomings’
‘Our love withstands our flaws, imperfections & shortcomings’
What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD
A trip without the kids.
My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.
I had to draw my own conclusions.
2 blonds are in heaven….
One asked the other: "how did you die?" "I froze to death" said the second blond "That must be awful, how it felt?" said the first blond "It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second blonde. "You are very cold and eventually you're muscles get numb and you freeze to death. It's sort of calming. How did you die? " "Well, " says the first blonde, " I had a heart attack. You see, I knew my husband was cheating on me. I came home unexpectedly and went upstairs to find him on the bed naked. I checked the basement, but no one was there. I ran up to the second floor and checked every room, but no one was there. I ran all the way to the attic, but I had a massive heart attack and I died." "Wow, " says the second blonde, "If you checked the freezer we would both be alive."
Tetris is a good game
In fact, you could even say it was a blockbuster
On what charge was the guy arrested for rearranging his dinner table?
Dish-orderly conduct.
I spotted a bunch of people in a long line and asked with a laugh “is this the punch line?”
One of them responded, "pho queue." The guy lied. There wasn't any soup noodles.
Guy at a grocery store: Are those genetically modified eggplants?
Store worker: Why do you ask? Eggplant: Yeah, why do you ask?
I have the world’s largest collection of seashells, you may have seen it…
I keep it scattered on beaches all over…
Women really do hold grudges over the smallest things…
My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm and I accidentally gave her a tube of super glue. It's been a week now and she's still not talking to me.
The snow yeti stopped doing sas-squats and started doing sit ups.
Now he's the Abdominal Snowman.
My dad used to change wheels on cars.
Now he's retired.
I’m writing a mystery novel
No text found
What is the difference between a Joe Biden speech and a Donald Trump speech?
When Biden is speaking you wonder if he's had a stroke. When Trump is speaking you wonder if you've had a stroke.
How Long Is A Chinese Name
No, seriously, it is.
Knock knock…
Who’s there? Hike. Hike who? Warm midnight falling. Stars shining, dancing brightly. Peaceful all at once
Enough of the Corona virus jokes
We're all getting sick of them
What’s the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling?
One is a whiny toddler and the other is a tiny waddler…
I hate trying to please miners.
They're so picky!
Why don’t Kleptomaniacs understand puns?
Because they take things literally.
I tried to think of a good Star Wars pun
But it just felt Forced.
As a dentist, I only get paid for each prosthetic implant I complete…
Nothing dentured, nothing gained!
Why did the Monkey fall out of the tree?
it was dead
Why don’t skeletons go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with.
I’m so happy its tick season soon…
I enjoy a little Lyme with my Corona
Did you hear about the frog that was raised by bunnies?
All it could say was "rabbit".