NASCAR with the third degree burn
Ten or twelve feet away from all musical instruments at all times.
He was disqualified.
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh, now.
Donald trump and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barbershop. As they sat there each being worked on by a different barber not a word was spoken the barbers were even afraid to start a conversation for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves the one who had trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. Trump was quick to stop him saying 'no way buddy my wife will smell that and think I’ve been in a damn whorehouse. The second barber turned to Obama and said, 'how about you?' Obama replied 'go ahead my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.’
On an unrelated note, I suck at darts.
Really helped me see things in a different light
Be tall, it's much better.
Neither of us is rolling.
But I’m planning to give it a shot.
One's a contagion, the other's a cunt aging.
I haven’t seen any with more than 4.
You can only ran, because it's past tents.
That you read the first bit wrong.
He's below c-level
You cut the ends and now you have endless bread. Courtesy of my 12 year old daughter.
I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
Honestly, I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s not the end of the world.
Female, she doesn’t let you finish your sentence before suggesting something.
I guess I really am independent!
My son asked me where pooh came from. I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation.
A little perplexed he stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and then asked, “and tigger?”
A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you. Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl? Doctor: Denise. Woman: Well this isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy? Doctor: Denephew.
If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 1 minute all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.
All he did was wine
Doctor: Wow! That’s the worst case of parking son’s disease that I have ever seen.
so you don't see their butt-quack!
As he turned and sneered at me, I thought, "that's a little condescending."
They say she had a mean flow.
because of my insecurities. Wait, she's back. Just went out to pick the mail.