You can’t milk a cow for 2,000 years.
WHEN DO WE WANT THEM?! NEEEEYOOOOOOOOW
Please don't upvote she is on a business trip until tuesday.
The bartender says "Hey!" Then the horse replies "Sounds good!"
I’m not joking, but he is.
They were originally made in Greece
But when I do, he laughs
The Canadian bartender says, "what's that about?" Man says, "yes."
But for mathematicians, it's just right.
It's a crow chez crochet.
Mary ate her friend's lunch. Mary ate her friend's colon.
It had a really hard time choo choo chooing it’s food.
You’re under a vest!
Because they can't break the ice.
During the wedding party, his friends ask him, “How’d you land someone that young?” “It’s simple,” said the billionaire, “I faked my age!” “I mean, I’m 43, and there’s no way I could land her!”, a friend exclaims. “What age did you tell her you were?” Smiling mischievously, the billionaire responds, “85 years old.”
If we don't get some support, people are going to think we're nuts!
My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, “How soon do you think we’ll be able to have sex?” [NSFW]
He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes – meet me in the car park."
Suddenly, the bar is as silent as a grave. A guy next to the blind man leans over and whispers "Dude, be carefull. The barkeeper is blonde and an ex-soldier. The bouncer is also blonde and the reigning box champion of the city. And then there is Joe… he's just released from prison after he broke a dude's jaw and his two arms. He is blond too. Are you sure you wanna tell that blonde joke?" The blind man takes a minute to think about that, turns on his barchair and says "OK, FINE… I won't tell the joke… I don't have the time to explain that joke at least three times."
There was no coffin at the funeral.
I have recently been diagnosed with color blindness. It really came out of the purple. Don’t hurt me.
Something bad is about to happen; I can feel it.
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!”
The lumberjack grinned, “And you will dialogue!"
Anna 1, Anna 2, Anna 3
" One little boy says, "None, the shotgun scared them all away." Teacher says, "That's not the answer I was looking for, but I like the way you're thinking." Boy says to teacher, "I have a question for you." "There's 3 women eating ice cream cones. 1 is licking, 1 is sucking, 1 is biting. Which one is married?" Teacher answers (slightly embarrassed), "I imagine it's the one sucking." Boy says, "No, it's the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way your thinking !"
He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado. When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains. "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking." “It hasn't affected my brothers though."
Why can't this flight attendant understand that?
His exact words were, “When I want your fucking advice, I’ll ask for it.”
Dad: Sure! But can you pass me my dadglasses first?
The drill slipped.
But she had too many issues.
Cause they lactose
now it's a disapointsettia.
The American teenage girl gets stoned before sex.
Neil before me.
They’re just so remarkable…
Me: This is my girlfriend Janine Janine: Hi Wife: What the fuck
15 seconds, give or take.
On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
To get some fresh beets
It would de-feet the whole porpoise…
The same thing Arkansas!
You should of seen her face when I drove pasta.