Never date a tennis player
Love means nothing to them
Because they have snow-caps!
He smells coffee and bacon/eggs cooking.He staggers down stairs to find his wife making breakfast, the papers on the counter and a tall cool glass of water is in her hand for him. He stumbles over and takes the glass from her expecting the worst but she smiles and gives him a kiss on the cheek and tells him to relax and she will bring him his breakfast when it's ready. He timidly asked her….so what happened last night when I got home? Well you silly bastard, you got home absolutely shitfaced and couldn't even get undress to go to bed. When I tried to help you out of your clothes you shouted get your filthy hands off me you fucking whore….I'm married, than you passed out.
Why does it have to be a group activity?
Because I haven’t see him in 15 years.
I said, “Mark, my words!”
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
I mined my own business.
Especially with all this car owner virus going around
No text found
Been so many years and nobody told me.
New Hampshire Primary Voters: Show us proof you voted yesterday, and we’ll give you a cool flair! :)
Continuation of this thread, which focuses on the Iowa Caucuses.We are planning on expanding the flair program to primary voters in all 50 states. If you have any ideas for perks or extras we can throw in, please let us know via modmail. Right now, only New Hampshire voters can submit flair requests.Iowa caucus goers are also encouraged to use the same form to submit their late request. Later states will be given the chance to submit their requests once their primaries or caucuses have occurred.NEW HAMPSHIRE VOTERS: CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR FLAIR IF YOU VOTED!Simply provide evidence of your participation (any ‘I Voted’ sticker or other supplemental documents are allowed), and we’ll add a user flair similar to my account to your account.Special Discord Channel AccessVerified voters will also get special access to our exclusive Voter Only Discord channel. To gain access to this, include your Discord account ID in your above submission, and we’ll add you to this channel.Have a good day!
It was sole destroying.
It’s all good until you realize you’re only screwing yourself.
But when it happens no one is shocked.
The second one’s a repost.
Time cannoli tell
his funfair is next monkey
I'm trying to get out, but all the roads have this weird design flaw…
They start coffin.
No,actually it is adopted. My wife and I were unable to conceive a dog naturally.
Just two palms and no dates.
Cause there's too many Links
He was charged with homiecide
Gimli laughs and walks under it
She said, “Thanks dad, that means a great deal.”
A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says. The shop assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf. The man, standing almost directly beneath her, was provided with an excellent view, just as he had thought he would get. When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves. As the shop assistant retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what's going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread. After many trips she is tired and irritated and begins to wonder, "Why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?" Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below. Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd. Thinking that she can save herself another trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is it raisin for you too?" "No," stammers the old man, "but it's quivering a little."
I turned her down I don't like high maintenance women
On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore." I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe. As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."
I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?"
Not unless you count Dracula
A slice of blue cake!!!
It tells you exactly where you arrrr!!!
Make sure you stay after the ceremony is finished.