But then it grew on me
They start coffin.
At her parent's house. Her father, after being woken by the noises, goes upstairs to check it out; and walks in on them. "Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "…I'm sorry" The dad being, a dad, replies "hi sorry, I'm Dad!" He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you *fucking* sorry?"
The rabbit says, “I think I might be type o.”
Because he couldn't see that well.
When it turns into a driveway.
Down for the count
It's hard to say, they have their pros and their cons.
The definition it gave for "obfuscate" was confusing and misleading.
Thankfully, there wasn’t a single person in there.
Remains to be seen.
He then proceeds to pull out hundreds of pink valentine's day cards, write inside them and stamp them with "Love" stamps. He then pulls out a bottle of expensive perfume and spritzes each envelope. The bartender finally can't contain his curiosity and approaches the man. "You must have 500 or more cards there," the bartender says. "I've got to admit I'm curious what you're doing." "Oh, every year at Valentine's Day I send out 500 cards, each one signed 'Guess Who?'" the guy says. "But why?" the bartender asks. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the guy replies.
Throw it in water. If it sinks, its a girl ant, otherwise its buoyant
He said: “Suuuuureee YOU can!”
No text found
Because 7 is a registered 6 offender.
I looked at it and said, “This isn’t for me.”
It's a reflexive pronoun that means 'me'…
Who am I to diss a brie?
I told him it’s between 8am and 1pm
It’s a complex complex complex complex. Credit: my buddy Drew
So I had to put my foot down
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"
"Maybe a career as a tour guide isn't right for me?"
Because it saw the salad dressing!
Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours
Don't worry, he's 0K
The results speak for themselves.
I just know something terrible’s about to happen… I can feel it.
He wasn’t a drunk. He was just shitty at Trivia.
I'm going to quit cold turkey.
Father: "That's great, son! Who is she?" Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter." Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister." The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later: Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!" Father: "That's great, son! Who is she?" Son: "It's Angela, the other neighbor's daughter." Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your sister." This went on a few more times, and finally the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying. Son: "Mom, I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls and I can't date any of them because dad is their father!" The mother hugs him affectionately and says, "You can date whoever you want. He isn't your father!"
It's your Yelp score
The man asks, “And how would you do that?” The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and asks, “What are you doing?” The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.” The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.” The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?” The man says, “I’m going home, too. How am I supposed to work in the dark?”
They would call it crucifact.
Don’t worry, no one got hurt.
They will tell you.