Never knew Shakespeare was into Computers 🤣
The Japanese are just loli-gagging.
I was watching an Australian cooking show, and people started cheering when the chef made a meringue .
I was shocked. Usually Australians boo meringue.
Dad: " Actually, we'd like him to keep his Liver"
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It would be really hard to pull off.
The scientific experiments altered his jeans
Then she noticed me, so we went for a run instead.
he is immediately disqualified.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!" Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?" "No, sweetheart," she responds. Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?" "Oh, no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says. "One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send checks for the Visa and MasterCard this month?" he asks. "Oh, forgive me, Abie," begged Esther. "I didn’t send that one, either." Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. Esther pulls away and asks him, "What was that for?" Abe answers, "They’ll find us!"
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It wasn’t my test, but I took it anyway.
and a lifetime ban from the zoo
A four chin teller
Exasperated, I showed him the picture and pleaded, “Doctor, all of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!”
He acknowledged grimly, "Indeed, that's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen."
He says he can stop anytime.
"That's not how field sobriety tests work." replied the police officer
A father in law
Her name is Cardi O!
I am starting to finally understand why navy captains go down with the ship
She told me she doesn't want to bother me while I'm at work.
Oh, high marks.
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them
I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.
That's me in the corner.
Onions was a good dog.
But I am 2² to say it.
The bartender replies "For you? No charge."
i said i stopped giving a shift.
The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So our man stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up but again falls flat on his face. He crawls home. Reaching the door he tries to stand up, and yet again, falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he summons the last of his strength and tries one final time to stand. It's no use. He tumbles into bed and is soon sound asleep, only to awaken the next morning to the sound of his wife standing over him shouting. 'So… you've been out drinking again!' 'How did you know?' he asks, his head hung in shame. 'The pub called– you left your damn wheelchair down there again!'
Since then, grandpa has been kicking puppies and setting fire to orphanages.
One says to the other: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
But a Tiger Wood.
Ass skin for a friend