Nice Joke!!
Chicken walks into a bar
Bartender says "Wrong joke, yours is across the road"
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3?
In charge of the sequence. Yoda was.
I Couldn’t Figure Out How The Seatbelt Worked.
Then it just clicked.
This German shepherd comes and takes a shit on my lawn every day.
Yesterday, he brought his dog along.
My girlfriend told me, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you sweep or mop in my life.”
I said, “Floors are beneath me.”
Ordered a Stud Finder on Amazon and forgot to give them a shipping address.
Still made it to my door.
What has four wheels and flies?
A rubbish truck
Two dogs and a cat die and go to heaven.
Two dogs and a cat die and go to heaven. They are brought before God, who interviews them to determine their fate. He asks the first dog, "What did you do when you were alive on earth?" The first dog answers, "For 15 years I was a guide dog for a blind person. I was killed protecting them from being hit by a taxi." "Very good," says God. "You will sit at my left side." God turns his attention to the second dog and asks, "What did you do when you were alive on earth?" The second dog responds, "I was a police dog for 12 years. I was shot and killed trying to subdue an armed bank robber." God smiles and nods. "Very good. You will sit at my right side." God now looks at the cat and begins to ask, "What did you –" The cat interrupts, "You're in my chair."
A pregnant woman walks into a bank
A pregnant woman who is expecting triplets walks into a bank, while she is in there a robber walks in and shouts for everyone to get down on the ground, the woman is too slow so the man shoots her 3 times and runs away from the scene. The woman survives, and the doctor told her that in 12 years, each of her children will have to pass the bullet. So in 12 years, her 1st son walks up to her and says ‘mum I’ve just peed out a bullet’ so she tells him the story.Her Daughter then walks up and says the same, so again the mother tells the story.Then her 3rd son walks up to her and says ‘mum you’ll never guess what’ which she replies with ‘let me guess you peed out a bullet’ which he replies with ‘no, I was masturbating and I shot the dog’.
Actual conversation today. My wife: “i’m tired of anaesthesiology. What other area of medicine should I try?”
Me: I don't know. Emerg? Wife: Nah, I want something lower stress. Hey, what about sleep medicine? Me: Sleep medicine? Wife: Like, helping people with sleep disorders and such. I wonder what sort of education i'd need? Me: Probably night school. edit: yes, I know it's an awful dad joke, but it happened on the fly and its the greatest thing i've ever accomplished, so please, let me have it.
My wife got mad at me for kicking the dropped ice cubes under the refrigerator.
But now it’s all water under the fridge.
I finally figured out what’s wrong with my brain.
On the left side, there is nothing right. On the right side, there is nothing left.
Two clowns were eating a cannibal
One turns to the other and asks “did I start the joke wrong?”
Tried to grab the fog this morning
unfortunately, I mist.
Finland have just closed their borders….
Which means no one can cross the finish line.
I think im addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers.
I'm going to quit cold turkey.
How many Game of Thrones seasons does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eight, if you want to screw it completely.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Yes, I have aids
I have a phone, a laptop and a few chairs
How Cult45 reacts when someone tells them their Dear Leader said something stupid.
https://ift.tt/2BmbJSE
The joys of a “custom” CMS…
If I never have to deal with another “custom CMS” ever again, it’ll be too soon… The latest one that’s been inflicted upon me, inspired me to make this meme:https://ift.tt/3fAGfuV
What makes a good tongue twister?
Well, it’s hard to say.
What’s black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist.
“Sorry boss, I won’t be coming in today for the big meeting,” I told my manager.
"Why's that?" he asked. I said, "Yes, very wise.'
The pessimist sees a tunnel. The optimist a light a the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a train…
The train engineer sees three idiots on the railroad tracks.
What country doesn’t take cash or credit?
The Czech Republic
